Happy Halloween!

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I've always considered Halloween as a stupid day.

Even as a kid I thought it was more of a pain in the ass to get dressed up and go out and beg for candy. The entire ghosts and goblins thing was lost on me and I thought it was somehow beneath my child sensibilities.

But we did it. Dragging our bags up and down the street. Dressed up like dopey bastards.

In high school things changed a bit and we went out to cause trouble. Or as much trouble as a pack of clean-cut kids could do. I remember we tried to light some rubber balls on fire and roll them down the huge hill in front of our house.

Three rotations and the balls were out.

We threw some eggs and a few rolls of toilet paper, but still pretty lame.

I do remember dressing up like a woman as a senior in high school and I also recall being extremely hot, but it's hard to pick up pretty girls when you're dressed up like one. My buddy Jeff was especially clingy that night though.

(Just kidding, Jeffy).

In college we went out trick-or-treating one night just to get some candy in our stomachs before we went drinking. Most people didn't open the door.

So maybe it would get better when we had kids, right?

My wife and mother-in-law and crazy nieces all enjoy the event. They dress the dorks up against their wishes and head out down the road. I then sit there and wait for the doorbell to ring.

When the kids were young it was great.

Ten minutes of peace.

Yet they always came back.

And they were usually miserable.

Turns out my boys didn't much care for it either.

So why bother?

Every year you hear stories about kids causing trouble or someone getting too drunk to get home safely, or some old bastard putting razor blades in apples.

All a bit weird to me.

And besides, if I dressed up now I don't think I'd be much of a hot chick.

I can imagine knocking on someone's door:

"Who are you, little boy? Roseanne Barr?"

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