Shut Up!!!!!!

So my boy Douche Armstrong is back on the news telling all of us that he REALLY DID CHEAT.

Seriously?

Are you also gonna' tell us that your bike had handlebars and wheels?

We know!

Some of us always knew!!

What we also know is that you did a lot of it to make yourself rich and famous.

I can imagine the softball questions tossed out by Oprah as she holds your hand and cries with you.

I'm just not buying it.

"The French hate me!"

"I will sue you!"

"The allegations are false!"

"People are jealous!"

I wonder if Douche remembers cashing the checks when he 'won.'

I wonder if he remembers making the commercial for Nike when he denied all wrong-doing.

Yet I speak to people who still find his cartoon character as inspirational!

Seriously, there are people who still defend him despite all the evidence to the contrary.

I just don't get that.

Ah well.

Perhaps he did do some good along the way.

Maybe we can just use him as a cautionary tale.

But I don't want to see him cry now.

And I won't feel sorry for him for even a split-second.

He was calculating, conniving, and selfish. He can talk about the money raised in his name. He can speak of the hands he held and the eyes he lied directly into it.

Cry, cry, cry, Douche.

And then get on your bike and pump those cheating legs.

And ride off into oblivion, please.

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