Don't Shake My Hand!!!!
I've rounded a corner when it comes to being afraid of germs.
I'm not sure what has me cringing the most when someone extends a hand to me.
The flu is rampant and everyone it seems is being knocked down for the count, but more importantly, one of the things that scares me about shaking someone's hand is what I heard a comedian say on Howard one day:
"Everytime a hand is extended in my direction I think, 'That hand has recently wiped an ass.'"
And it's freaking me out.
I enter a business meeting and the first thing that people do is stick out their hand.
"I'm not interested in touching you," I have become fond of saying.
For one reason or another I am pretty good at delivering a line and when I say that people usually laugh.
At other times I'll do the much less intrusive fist bump, but even then I spend the rest of the meeting thinking:
"Don't go to your mouth with your hand...get the sanitizer...get the sanitizer...get the sanitizer...."
I carry a bottle in my car but I'm starting to think that I have to start carrying it in my pocket.
I'm becoming a bit like Howie Mandel, I'm afraid.
Yet what is the answer?
Who was the first person to come up with the idea to shake hands?
Isn't there a less intrusive custom that we can come up with?
I'd rather kiss someone than touch their filthy hands.
Consider this:
People pick their noses.
People pick their asses.
People sneeze into their hands.
People pick shit out of their teeth (hopefully before they pick their asses)
People wipe boogers.
People touch other people.
People play with dirty money.
People pick crap out of their ears.
People wipe sweat from under their armpits.
People suck.
I'm not interested in touching them.
Yep...the plot thickens as my mental stability takes another nosedive.
I'm not sure what has me cringing the most when someone extends a hand to me.
The flu is rampant and everyone it seems is being knocked down for the count, but more importantly, one of the things that scares me about shaking someone's hand is what I heard a comedian say on Howard one day:
"Everytime a hand is extended in my direction I think, 'That hand has recently wiped an ass.'"
And it's freaking me out.
I enter a business meeting and the first thing that people do is stick out their hand.
"I'm not interested in touching you," I have become fond of saying.
For one reason or another I am pretty good at delivering a line and when I say that people usually laugh.
At other times I'll do the much less intrusive fist bump, but even then I spend the rest of the meeting thinking:
"Don't go to your mouth with your hand...get the sanitizer...get the sanitizer...get the sanitizer...."
I carry a bottle in my car but I'm starting to think that I have to start carrying it in my pocket.
I'm becoming a bit like Howie Mandel, I'm afraid.
Yet what is the answer?
Who was the first person to come up with the idea to shake hands?
Isn't there a less intrusive custom that we can come up with?
I'd rather kiss someone than touch their filthy hands.
Consider this:
People pick their noses.
People pick their asses.
People sneeze into their hands.
People pick shit out of their teeth (hopefully before they pick their asses)
People wipe boogers.
People touch other people.
People play with dirty money.
People pick crap out of their ears.
People wipe sweat from under their armpits.
People suck.
I'm not interested in touching them.
Yep...the plot thickens as my mental stability takes another nosedive.
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