Bathroom Break Please!

-
One of the candidates for governor of New York got up in the middle of one of the other candidates closing remarks to run off to the bathroom.

"You gotta'go, you gotta' go."

Being as that I am older now - I can sympathize. There are times when I go looking for a bathroom, wondering if I can just pull over and hit the construction toilet on the side of the road.

Yet, for the most part, I am able to control where and when I have to go.

Like everyone else I like the home field advantage. My own toilet is comfortable. I know where everything is, and I know how well the door locks. It has to be an extreme emergency to use an unfamiliar bathroom.

Like the bathroom at the Cracker Barrel restaurant.

About a month ago I went with friends to the restaurant for breakfast, and there was a man doing his business in the small stall beside the urinal. The place stunk to high heaven and there were sounds of an animal coming from under the half door.

The man just had to be embarrassed. I imagined an emergency situation. How else can you explain having to go to the bathroom when you're just stepping out for breakfast.

Unfortunately, I immediately thought of my brother Jeff, and what he might do in such a situation.

Why the hell not?

Embarrass the guy!

"Oh geez," I said loud enough for the guy to hear over the noises he was making. "Someone ate rat for breakfast!"

And despite the fact that I was alone, I giggled.

I could almost see the poor guy cowering in shame on his side of the wall.

In my mind I high-fived my brother and made my way back to the table, laughing all the way. As luck might have it, I had a good seat, and I kept my eye on the men's room door.

A middle-aged, slightly overweight balding man exited the bathroom and searched the faces of the patrons as if he could tell who said it.

It wasn't funny anymore. That poor guy could have been me, and that would have been a horrible embarrassment.

Ah, I'm just kidding, I laughed my ass off all the way home.

Comments

Larry L said…
You need to keep the courtesy flush option in mind. It can save you from the stares.
19 October, 2010
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

-
Like a lot of other people we got pulled into the series, ‘Suits’ on Netflix. I’ve never had much fun hanging around lawyers who have questioned me as a construction safety officer. I once testified in a case where the opposing lawyer started questioning me by going through my educational background. “So,” he said, racing to a crescendo, “You graduated from college with a degree in Communications-Journalism and suddenly, 30 years later, you’re a ‘safety expert.’” He actually made the quotation marks with his fingers. I just looked at him. “How does that happen?” He bellowed, sure that he was going to discredit me. “Well,” I said. “I knew I was overqualified to become a lawyer.” The courtroom erupted in laughter. Even the judge chuckled. The rest of his questions landed flat. So, I wasn’t all that keen on a show about lawyers, but ‘Suits’ is great. Meghan Markle became a princess because of the show, and she is very good in it (and a beautiful woman). Yet, there is so much more. The wri
Read more

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more