Now I Got Immigration On My Ass

There are so many days when the best laid plans go astray...

I like to plan things. I hate when things go against the plan. I am learning to deal. I really am.

But today...I see the police car lights turning behind me. What the hell did I do? I was only going 10 MPH. My cell phone was on the seat beside me. I hadn't picked it up in miles and miles.

"You're tail light is out," the cop informed me when he got to the window.

I stopped myself from saying, "Big freaking deal."

"Oh really? Golly gee whiz, officer I'd have never left the house had I known."

I got off with a warning and was on my way...to a job near the Rainbow Bridge in Niagara Falls. I wasn't quite sure where the job was so I turned into a parking lot to get my bearings. It was a parking lot without an exit. If I tried to back out I was warned of severe tire damage.

I went into the Duty Free shop. A nice lady greeted me.

"How in the name of God do I get out of the parking lot?" I asked.

"You can't," she laughed. "You have to pay the fee to go over the bridge into Canada, tell them you made a wrong turn, and they'll swing you back around into the States."

Sounds easy, right? I must tell you, I hate Osama Bin Laden even more today, if that's possible.

I paid the fee and waited in line. I explained myself to the guy at the gate to enter Canada. He filled out a form and told me that I had to park and go inside to talk with an immigration officer.

I took a deep breath. Serenity Now! I entered the building and was escorted to a line that was ten deep. There were no clerks on duty.

"Shift change," the lady before me said. "And they don't move too swift when they're here."

I wanted to scream! I didn't have to wait in the ridiculous line, did I? I made a call to a coworker to tell him I was being detained.

"NO CELLPHONES!" a guard yelled as though I were hiding a bomb. He pointed to an 8"X10" sign that I should have seen, evidently.

40 minutes later, I stood before a guard. "Why are you in Canada?" he asked.

I explained myself rather calmly. I was proud that the real Fuzzy in me didn't show itself.

"I have to fill out a form," he said.

The form stated that I was being denied acceptance into Canada. Whatever. I signed it. He escorted me to my car and I was handed the slip and asked to present it to the guy at the gate to enter the US.

Another long line of cars. At least I could use my cell phone now. I got to the booth...now an hour and a half in...I figured me and the US guy would have a good laugh over my wrong turn.

"Step out of the vehicle," he said. "Give me your license. Do you have a criminal record?"

"No!" I said a bit too loud.

"You've never been arrested?"

I almost said, "Believe it or not, No!"

I was escorted into another building where I sat on a bench as they ran my info.

I was fully expecting to be lubed and searched.

But I got out. Two full hours after I pulled into the wrong parking lot to get my bearings.

Please smile at me if you see me later today or tomorrow. The best laid plans have been known to go astray. SERENITY NOW!

Comments

I know it was aggravating, but that crap is funny! What the hell? You spent two hours being stripped searched because you took a wrong turn? Jeff is laughing his ass off right now!

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

My Buddy, Dave

Hot & Dusty