You're Too Fat

Man, talk about being embarrassed. Kevin Smith, the movie producer, of Clerks fame was sent off a Southwest flight because he was too fat to sit in the one seat that he'd purchased.

Rumor is that he knew it too because he always purchased two seats whenever he flew, but a shift in flight plans forced him to just try and give it a go with one.

So, where do you go with this one? So many different directions possible.

First off, how'd you like to be the flight attendant who has to break the bad news?

"Excuse me, sir, we have a slight problem."

With the fear of flying built in, every one on the plane would be looking to see what the problem was.

"Oh, miss, I'm sorry, am I in the wrong seat?"

"Well, sort of, you seem to be spilling over into the guy's seat next to you. The extra skin from under your elbow is resting in his coffee."

"Oh, my bad, I'll shift my weight in the seat here so we're all comfortable."

There's a loud groan and a slight release of gas as the pounds are shifted to the other side of the aisle.

"Is that better?"

"Well, now you're cutting off half the aisle. If we served drinks anymore we wouldn't be able to get the cart by your uh, what is that a hip?"

"So what do you suggest?"

The flight attendant's face turns a couple of shades of red.

"I don't know, salad, a stairmaster, therapy to get inside the real problems causing you to gorge at every meal?"

"No, I meant right now. What do you suggest right now?"

"Oh, we aren't taking off with you on the plane. Actually, we tried it once but we couldn't get any lift."

"I see. Well, can you help me with my carry-on luggage?"

The flight attendant grabs hold of the bag and immediately drops it on her foot, screaming out in pain.

"My God! What's in here?"

"Oh,that was just my in-flight snack. Sorry."

As he waddles from the plane there is snickering from the remaining passengers. With hurt feelings, the man spins around and confronts the mocking.

"I'm big-boned, and I'm starting my diet on Monday, assholes."

He shuffles off the plane and disappears into the terminal.

He doesn't really mind because there's a steak and cheese place right near the restroom that he realizes he desperately needs all of a sudden.

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