Still Standing

For quite some time back about five years ago I spent some time considering what might be the true measure of a man. One of the things that concerned me was the lasting legacy of a life. I can remember believing that what was truly important was loving and being loved - a Hallmark answer, but one that defines what sort of life you're leading. The more people you have in the love column, the better life you've lived, right?

Of course another true indicator of character is standing and dealing with adversity. There are options available to all of us - one of the true downfalls of freedom, and we can either sink or swim. We honestly have that choice. Until very recently, I have always loved life. All of it, the full catastrophe of it, but there has been little bounce in the step lately. Joy has seemed well out of the question.

A-Rod homers on the first pitch he sees - no joy - yet the phone rings as soon as the ball settled in the seats. It's my brother, John, picking up a little of the slack. Moving forward. Making sure I feel some love at that moment. It brings tears to my eyes. "What can we do?" We ask each other.

Yet what I've been saying is that only love will teach us a little of the joy again. We have to work hard not to pile negatives upon negatives. We have to hold each other a little harder. We need to make the other guy smile even when we don't feel like smiling ourselves.

We have to stand there. The train comes crashing through and we need to be there on the tracks, taking the hit mid-section, showing those around us how to absorb the blow.

I have three children watching me. I have friends and other family members keeping an eye on me as I worry about them. There are plenty of opportunities to give into the pain, get blind drunk, and curse the moon. But that's not the way it should be. It may happen yet, but it will be recognized as a weak moment, and not something that can help me through.

Sam is making his First Communion today. As an extended family we will stand together and push him to a world of faith. And then we'll eat too much, drink a little, dry some tears and celebrate...with thoughts of celebration barely comprehensible.

And that's because we're still standing here. A lot less strong, but in deep understanding that the temporary circumstances of this life force us to change.

I stuffed a lot of peppers yesterday...one thought in mind... Jeff had forwarded his secret recipe...begging me to wash my hands before I touched a pepper.

I washed my hands (twice)and stuffed each pepper...doing it with love threatening to explode my heart...and doing it because I'm still here...trying to show a little character.

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