Everybody Loved Her

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We watch all the true crime shows:

Dateline, 48 Hours, Deadly Women, Deadly Men, and on and on and on.

Saturday Night Live did a skit about women watching the murder shows, and when I’m talking to guys about their wives viewing habits, we all laugh:

“My wife watches them too!”

The story always starts with the crime, and then they speak to those who loved the victim.

“She was so giving. She loved life and would help anyone without even looking for anything in return. Everyone loved her.”

I always say the same thing:

“Not everyone!”

And I suppose that death - especially one so violent - results in people who knew you forces them to say really nice things.

“Imagine if Keith Morrison asked what kind of woman she was and someone says, ‘Oh, she was an asshole! I can’t believe she wasn’t murdered 10 years ago!”

Kathy will shush me. Watching murder shows is serious business.

And, of course, part two fills us in on why the sainted person was found dead.

“She was having an affair, but she was about to end it with her husband. They seemed to be at a really good place in their lives,” says the best friend of the victim.

“Uhhhhh, maybe not,” I say.

“Shhhhhh!,” Kathy calls out.

And then the big moment…

…a suspect is brought to the set.

“Did you kill her?” Keith Morrison asks.

“Yes! Yes I did!!” I call out.

The suspect, however, always says the same two words, every time:

“Absolutely not!”

And I don’t mean to minimize any of it. I usually don’t feel great about humanity when the show ends.

I don’t understand how any of it can possibly go down. Truth is certainly a whole lot stranger than fiction.

Usually, the murderer is found guilty, and I suppose I feel better about things knowing that justice has been served, but the show then ends as it began.

“Everyone loved her! I don’t know anyone who didn’t think that she was an incredible person.”

“I do!” I call out.

“Go to bed,” Kathy says. 

I hear her switch it over to I.D. T.V. so she can watch the next episode.

How?

Why?

Do we watch true crime for entertainment?

I blame Orenthal…

…ever since his trial crime sells.

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