Traffic School

Yeah.

I received a speeding ticket a couple of months back.

Usually I know when I have one coming.

This particular time, however, I don't think I deserved one.

I was in a pack of cars heading up Route 5 in the Town of Hamburg. There is a stretch of road where the speed limit shifts from 55 mph to 45 mph...all for no reason, mind you...other than to catch speeders.

I worked the cruise control.

I had the cruise set at 55 and worked it down to 45 as I passed the sign.

Moments later there was an unmarked car behind me with the lights going.

"You know why I pulled you over?"

"No clue," I said.

"Speeding," he said. "57 in a 45."

"I don't believe so," I said. "I was using the cruise to change speeds. Where did you clock me at 57?"

He pointed down the road!

I'm not kidding.

"Back there a ways," he said.

I almost laughed.

"Do what you gotta' do," I said in anger.

He returned moments later with my ticket.

At court, I knew the score.

I didn't say even a single word to the prosecutor in my defense. He sent me off to traffic school and told me that the fine would be reduced upon completion of the course. I could do the class over a couple of nights...or in one fell swoop on a Saturday.

I bit the bullet...and gave up this past Saturday...8:45 a.m. to 3:15 p.m.

Man.

It sucked.

The instructor is a great guy who did his best to make it a little interesting and the class was full of 20-25 year old girls who evidently love tattoos and short shorts.

(Not that I looked at all).

Yet I suffered.

At one point I added up the minutes left and multiplied it by 60 to see how many seconds were left.

Then I attempted to count it out.

I quit after I realized that I had three hours to go!

"Oh Dear Lord," the girl next to me said at one point.

But.

10% reduction on my insurance.

Which I'm sure that my beautiful wife will rebate to me in a certified check.

"How was driver's school, you moron?" Sam asked when I returned home.

I think I actually growled.

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