I Don't Want It

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I may have already won about 600 million dollars.

I don't think I want it.

Can you imagine the people that would want to talk to me?

I don't want to talk to them.

Can you imagine the people who'd be asking me to lend a hand? I'd be harrassed from morning through noon to night. No freaking thank-you.

And since I've been handed a lot of crap that I don't want recently perhaps the lottery gods, who are more likely to hit me with falling airplane parts than bless me with the winning ticket will bless me with the chance to be eternally bothered until I go completely off the rails.

I'm 30 seconds off that pace anyway.

Yet I listened to the news in the middle of Thursday night...

The first anchorman (and did you hear Ron Burgundy is back) told me that her coworker was off tonight before starting in on her newscast.

"I'm Melinda, Robert is off tonight."

Why the hell do I care if Robert is off? Rubbing it in?

"Mega-Million-Mania is in full swing and you might hold the lucky ticket!"

Then Melinda threw it to a reporter who spent a hundred grand to get a journalism degree to go out on the street to talk to a dirt poor ghetto dweller who explained that if they won the money they'd buy new teeth and an I-pad.

Can you imagine?

A half a billion dollars?

What would I do without the chance to get up and out of bed in the middle of the night to drag my aching ass down the street?

Who needs that aggravation?

Please, please, please don't give me that damn winning ticket.

"Will you retire?" Melinda will call to ask me.

"Will you be donating any of your winnings to the church?"

"Will you now be able to send all of your kids to college?"

"Will some of that money go to filling both of your vehicles with gasoline?"

"Now that you're a multi-millionaire what will you do with the money that you'll save on taxes?"

Who needs it?

Not me.

Still, I better check the ticket.

I pray I don't win!

(check, check, check)

I didn't get even one number!!!!

Oh Thank God!

I get to go back to work Monday!

For once my prayers were answered.

Back to you, Melinda. Tell Robert to hurry back to work.

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