A Few More Things I Don't Like

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I don't like when you hand the lady at the grocery store a big bill and she takes her little pen out and checks to see if its counterfeit. I always wonder what I'm going to do if she swipes it and then looks at me and says she can't accept it. I'd probably have to go over the counter.

Don't you hold their breath until she puts it in the drawer though?

I also don't very much like when there's a cop behind me for a few miles as I drive. There's a mental checklist going on:

My speed's okay, I'm not on the phone, no firearms, drugs, or booze in the car, seat belt on. Is he going to stop me? What's his problem? Come on, asshole go ahead.

Don't you hold your breath until he's by you?

Another thing that gets under my skin are the guys and gals on their bikes who are dressed up like Lance "Douche" Armstrong. They drive down the shoulder of a busy road when there is a perfectly good sidewalk up there and then they use hand signals to show me that they are about to take up half the road.

I always think I'm going to clip one of them. (That's funny...clip is a word from my mother's vocabulary. She used to always warn us about getting 'clipped' or the dog getting 'clipped').

Anyway one of those bikers kept weaving in and out in front of me the other day and I had to remind him that he wasn't in the Tour de France, and that he sort of looked like his hero: the 'douche'.

I also don't much like the people who tell me that we really need rain. Just saw a guy at the grocery store.

"Isn't this weather great?" I asked.

"We really need rain," he said.

He said it as if it were my fault and that my enjoying the sunshine was really stupid because I just don't understand the big picture.

I hope his kid has a graduation party coming up and that it rains all freaking day.

What else do I want to piss and moan about today?

That should about do it.

I may think of more as the 'day goes' on.

Dago?

Why'd you have to start with that crap?

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