Kelly Ripa Save Me!

-
Every day over the course of the last week I've watched Regis and Kelly from 9 am to 10 am. I don't believe that I ever saw the show more than once leading to this week.

While Kelly Ripa is no Kathy Fazzolari, she's certainly an attractive, funny woman, and lately I've started looking forward to catching up with her daily antics.

Today they debuted a wax figure of her on the show and I found myself wondering how I could get the lifestyle wax figure into our home.

Cut to the early afternoon. I had visited a job meeting and was preparing my ice pack as Kathy began preparing dinner. Fried potatoes and cube steaks. Very nice.

We began a conversation as I filled a couple of bags with ice, and I said, "Come on upstairs for a minute, we can continue the conversation."

I just wanted to lie down.

Moments later, we were talking about the day when Sam called out.

"Something's burning here!"

I thought about the cube steak turning into a piece of leather. Still Kathy headed down the stairs without too much urgency.

A second later she was screaming. "Help! Fire! There's a Fire!"

I jumped from the bed.

"Hurry up! Now! Run!" she yelled.

Uhhhh, run?

"Oh my God! oh my God! oh my God!

"Smother it with a towel," I said.

It was too late. She threw the pan into the sink and turned the water on the grease fire, not fully expecting the flash.

Thankfully, the water doused the fire, but the screaming continued.

"All right, relax, open the windows," I said.

"Why didn't you hurry?" Kathy asked.

I pointed to my knee. "Did the best I could do."

We have a charred ceiling and melted curtains. The smoke has cleared, but for one reason or another all I could think of was the wax figure of Kelly Ripa.

It would have melted in the fire.

Right next to me, the guy who fell down the stairs trying to flee the building.

You know, I don't even remember what we were talking about.

Comments

deafjeff said…
Are you kidding me? You're even using that weak shit as an excuse when the house is on fire? They should of left you upstairs with the dog!
05 April, 2011
Cliff Fazzolari said…
House on fire? Three flames flicking in a pain. You'd have thought I was OJ in the Towering Inferno
05 April, 2011
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

-
Like a lot of other people we got pulled into the series, ‘Suits’ on Netflix. I’ve never had much fun hanging around lawyers who have questioned me as a construction safety officer. I once testified in a case where the opposing lawyer started questioning me by going through my educational background. “So,” he said, racing to a crescendo, “You graduated from college with a degree in Communications-Journalism and suddenly, 30 years later, you’re a ‘safety expert.’” He actually made the quotation marks with his fingers. I just looked at him. “How does that happen?” He bellowed, sure that he was going to discredit me. “Well,” I said. “I knew I was overqualified to become a lawyer.” The courtroom erupted in laughter. Even the judge chuckled. The rest of his questions landed flat. So, I wasn’t all that keen on a show about lawyers, but ‘Suits’ is great. Meghan Markle became a princess because of the show, and she is very good in it (and a beautiful woman). Yet, there is so much more. The wri
Read more

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more