Buffalo Doesn't Want LeBron

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All right. I will be the spokesman for the City of Buffalo. I appointed myself to the task and then seconded the nomination.

We want LeBron to stay the hell out of here! We don't want him taking up our valuable billboard space because we need to advertise for our lawyers and we need to save space for the moments when we ask Ralph Wilson to fire the entire Buffalo Bills team.

We don't have enough money for LeBron anyway. Word on the street is that he wants to be a billionaire. If we pooled all of our money we probably couldn't come up with a billion. We can't pay you.

We don't have a basketball team. We used to, and they were good, but they skipped town for some reason. Probably to save us from having to pay the King the ransom.

Our night life won't be classy enough for LeBron. Unless he likes to go bowling and drink shots in between rolls, there isn't a helluva' lot for us to do. He could go down to Chippewa and run down bar patrons with Marshawn, I suppose, but that gets old real quick.

We want to be the only city that doesn't want LeBron coming to visit.

I don't know about you but I'm sick of picking up a newspaper or listening to a sports show that asks where LeBron is going to end up. Day after day there's a new rumor. Celebrities are begging LeBron to come play in their town. Cleveland fans are suicidal with the thought of him packing up and leaving.

We don't want him.

We handed the key to the city to T.O. and he didn't do crap. We like the simple life here. No pressure. No celebrities to beg you to come visit. Just a bunch of hardworking people who don't really care where LeBron makes his billion dollars.

They took our team away. You can't come anyway, but even if the Braves were still here, we wouldn't want you.

You're too popular. Too good. Too wanted. We don't beg for anyone.

So there, LeBron, as your head swells with the offers know one thing:

BUFFALO DOESN'T WANT YOU!

Comments

Cindy Lehnortt said…
I'm from Ohio....Immagine how much we have to hear about it!!!!!
30 June, 2010
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