All the Beauty I Can Take

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The ebbs and flows of a serious injury and a long road of recovery nearly rendered me useless on Friday. I was seriously fighting the fact that I was still fighting strong, believing that it was too long to be in crisis mode. Life is difficult when you're always on, always appreciating all that we should appreciate, and feeling there and with it. That's why Gilligan's Island and The Brady Bunch and Deal or No Deal are popular - people need to put their brains on low gear from time-to-time.

So, really scuffling, I returned to the hospital bedside again today, and it being Saturday, I was able to be there with a couple of siblings instead of alone for a shift. My sister Carrie and brother Jim joined me at Jeff's side. My sister Corinne and brother John were also around through the day. Yet there was a moment... a big moment.

Carrie and I stood on either side of the bed. Jeff's eyes darted back and forth as we spoke to him, and softly, Carrie touched his cheek. There was a perfect moment as Jeff seemed to lean into Carrie's touch, and my sister moved her hand and caressed his face in such a loving way that all of life seemed to absolutely stop. I no longer heard the sounds of the alarm of his IV - a sound that drove me crazy just seconds before - I no longer smelled the hospital smells - or even sensed the traffic moving by on the street below his room.

Instead, I concentrated on Carrie's soothing hand and Jeff's responsive reaction. Slowly she traced his face, touching his eyebrows, outlining his features, and smiling as she did so. Jeff was smiling along with her - I know he was- and I was slowly entranced. I thought of all of their special moments together - not my moments with Jeff, but simply Carrie's moments with her big brother. Like the time when they applied make-up to each other as kids; or the time when they cut each other's hair; or the moments when Jeff made Carrie laugh so hard that the alcoholic beverages came out of her nose - and on and on and on and on. All of these moments raced into my mind, all in a split-second.

I watched for as long as I could - and then I turned away - tears breaking through my own eyes.

"That's all the beauty I can take," I said, stealing a line from Bruce's, Living Proof.

"What's that?" Carrie asked, oblivious to the wave of emotions surging through me.

"Nothing," I choked back.

Just when I thought I was sick of being on the edge.

Just when I thought I was nearing the breaking point.

Pure and simple love sent me surging ahead.

A complete, unconditional love. All in a simple touch.

Thanks Jeff. Thanks Carrie. Thank you God for letting little old me see it.

Comments

Unknown said…
Beautiful Cliff...our thoughts and prayers are with Jeff and your family.
Monique- An old college friend of Carrie's
24 February, 2009
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