Idiot

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Went to my 2nd Little League game of the weekend and I may not be attending another one for awhile. Jake's team isn't great. The team they were scheduled to play was - and their coach looked and acted just like Matt Dillion's character in "There's Something About Mary." Problem was - he never shut-up.

Every pitch was a chance for him to let us all in on his baseball knowledge. He yelled at the kids, cheered when the other team made an out, and got real close to being beat with a baseball bat. He always shouted out his words - "Come on, Blue, that was there," and then clapped his hands like a lunatic five times.

"Come on David, get the stick on the ball and drive it." Clap,clap,clap, clap,clap.

Yet I held my tongue. Even when I caught him giving the steal sign to his 9-year-old runner. Even when he clapped loudly as his pitcher - who although he was 9 or 10 - was bigger than me. He also threw harder than me, but I was confident that I could have taken him yard.

So what turned my mood around and kept me from bitch-slapping this idiot?

Two things: First and foremost Jake ran over to me at the start of the 3rd inning. His team had still not put a bat on the ball. "These guys are scary," Jake said.

"Just swing like you're in the backyard," I tried.
"I hope he walks me," Jake said.
"Dude, try to hit it," I said. "If you make contact, I'll give you $10 bucks."

Pitch 1 - Jake took a strike as he tried to run back to the dugout.
Pitch 2 - Ball at his head - he ducked.
Pitch 3 - Ball in the dirt - bat never moved.
Pitch 4 - Ball close, but not a strike - still no sign of life from Jake.
Pitch 5 - Ball coming in down the middle, Jake swings and hammers it on a line to 3rd. He's thrown out by Cal Ripken Jr., but his whole team cheered as did I - I wanted to run up to Mr. Wonderful and tell him to stick his steal sign in his ass.

Yet I wasn't done yet and neither was Jake's team. Guy after guy started to swing and they got a few hits and runs - they lost 15-5- which was certainly respectable.

As I'm walking by the 3rd base coaching box late in the game, I hear the idiot still chanting. "Come on, Melissa get your elbow up. This game ain't over we need a knock from you." Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

Melissa got her elbow up and lined one - right to the 3rd base coaching box. Mr. Idiot - dropped it. Sorry, but I couldn't resist.

"Come on, Coach," I yelled. "You need to keep your eye on the ball. We can't have you dropping those easy ones."

And - you guessed it - clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

I paid Jake the 10 bucks and congratulated him on a great game. Dad probably won't see many more.

Comments

deafjeff said…
I thought about after reading it. I think it is more important for the kids to see you handle idiots well than to hear just the idiot.
10 June, 2008
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