State of the Union

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I'm not real enthusiased about the State of the Union Address, and it's not because of who is speaking. Rather, I've always found the speech to be particularly annoying because it doesn't truly matter what is being said...everyone claps every three minutes anyway.

The makeup of the speech is aggravating because of all of the self-congratulatory celebrating. What may I ask are we celebrating right now?

I can imagine having the state of the union at my house, (if I was the leader of my house).

I would say, "Honey, these are difficult times for a lot of us. We are spending more money for gas, more money for food, more money for electricity and oil, and cable bills, and entertainment, but we are strong. We will survive."

At this point, I would wait for the clapping to subside.

"Yes, I know, that we are fighting with the bad, evil men across the world, and that it looks like we're losing, but we're not, and that all of our neighbors think we're asses, but we are going to strengthen our border policies so that we can alienate even those that live in the house to our immediate left and right."

More applause.

"I know that most of you do not approve of the job I'm doing - and frankly never did, but I am the leader and this is the greatest house on the block."

Standing ovation.

"These are times when we need to concentrate on baseball steroids. The gas problem, the terror problem, the poor economy...nothing is quite as important as cleaning up our national pasttime."

The roof of the place is threatening to blow off.

"What I propose is to give you a tax cut, and free healthcare, and as much free gas as your car can hold. I'm going to fight aids, fight terror there so I don't have to fight it here, and I'm going to give every kid a free candy cane. Don't worry about the debt, I'll get the money from China - I love fortune cookies, by the way."

I stop now to shake hands and receive pats on the back. I offer a sheepish, almost half-demented grin, and head back to my well-deserved vacation.

Ah, if I was the leader of the free world - think of all the damage I could undo.

Comments

Carrie Lynn Fazzolari said…
I love the last line!
28 January, 2008
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