So I Went For a Physical

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Man, the visits to the doctors are crazy aren't they?

"Do you have your co-pay?"

I walked through the double doors.

"Step on the scale."

I asked her to remember the twelve pound deduction for my clothes.

We settled in.

I got the litany of questions.

I still wasn't allergic to anything. No night sweats, no sudden weight loss.

(She really asked me that after the scale fiasco).

No recent chest pains, no bouts of erectile dysfunction.

(Wouldn't there have to be something going on to alert me of that condition?)

Everything is great.

"Except for this," I said. "I can't take a step or lift my leg without pain!!!!! I've been telling you that since January! It makes for a long freaking day!!!"

And you know what she said?

"We are just doing your physical today. We can't discuss the car accident. The insurance company will void the bill and make you pay for the physical if we talk about the car accident. You need a separate appointment for the discussion."

Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllyyyyyyyyy?

As Ace Ventura might ask.

I laughed.

"Are you still chewing tobacco?" she asked.

"Yep."

She looked absolutely disgusted.

"When are you going to stop doing that?"

"When you fix my f&*ing hip," I said.

We both laughed. I didn't actually swear, but it makes for a better story.

"So, you're healthy," she said, in summation.

"Oh Thank God," I responded. "Now if you'll just piggy-back me to my car."

The good news is I have three doctors appointments the week after next.

We're gonna' discuss the hip.

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