I Can't Believe This Bikini Still Fits Me

With the Super Bowl in the books there are a few new commercials that have joined the rotation. Most of them weren't great, but here's hoping they get rid of a few that I hate.

Like the one mentioned in the title. The middle-aged woman stands up and says, "I can't believe this bikini still fits me."

The husband says something along the lines of "Me neither."

Fortunately for him a coconut falls out of the tree and hits the dingy broad on the head and she repeats her comment. This time he mentions that she looks great.

Hate it!

She shouldn't be in a bikini. He shouldn't be afraid of telling her what he thinks. And coconuts hitting you on the head don't make you repeat what you just said.

But there's one that galls me even more.

It's the black couple at a romantic dinner and he's watching the game on his phone.

She catches him and asks him if he's watching the game.

He says something along the lines of, "How am I supposed to summon information to my phone?"

She smiles and forgives him.

Where the hell has this lady been?

She has no clue that he can watch a game on the phone?

He can watch a game from 1923 on his phone if he wants to, and besides if there was such a big game on, what the hell is he doing taking her to dinner?

All he has to do, as a guy who's been married for years and years is say:

"Yankees-Red Sux tonight. You're on your own."

That's real marriage.

In fact, the first one falls into the same category. My beautiful wife and I are painfully honest with one another.

Me: I can't believe this thong still fits me.

Kathy: It doesn't. Half a ton of your ass is hanging out.

And then we laugh.

That's the real world.

Now don't get me started on the one about the dog that murdered the next door neighbor's cat and bribes his clueless master not to say anything by buying him off with doritos.