Help!!!!

-

My biggest weakness may just be a total intolerance for talking on the phone with people I've never met who are asking me stupid questions, or not helping me quite as quickly as I might want them to.

I am banned from answering calls to the house because I have chastized and chided people who have tried to ask me simple questions about my political preferences or whether or not I wanted to try a different cable system.

(I used chided just for you, Kim).

Anyhow, my frustration is running very, very high in regard to this car accident. People are calling me, all day long, asking me questions that I do not want to answer.

"How do you feel?" the caring insurance agent asked.

She didn't understand when I gave my grandfather's standard response to the same question.

"With my hands," I said.

"No, how do you feel since the accident?"

"My neck, my back, my groin, my ass, and my knee hurt. How are you?" I responded.

She didn't know what to do with that much information.

"What doctor have you been seeing?"

"The tall, moderately good-looking black lady," I answered.

"Have you seen anyone else?"

"The short guy with the silver-rimmed glasses."

"Have you put in a claim?"

"I claimed the South of France for the United States of America but I don't think that worked."

So, you see how it's going.

Thankfully I am married to a wonderful, beautiful, understanding woman.

"Defer all calls to me," she said. "I'll take care of you like I take care of the kids."

That just might be the best course of action as this whole thing plays out.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

-
Like a lot of other people we got pulled into the series, ‘Suits’ on Netflix. I’ve never had much fun hanging around lawyers who have questioned me as a construction safety officer. I once testified in a case where the opposing lawyer started questioning me by going through my educational background. “So,” he said, racing to a crescendo, “You graduated from college with a degree in Communications-Journalism and suddenly, 30 years later, you’re a ‘safety expert.’” He actually made the quotation marks with his fingers. I just looked at him. “How does that happen?” He bellowed, sure that he was going to discredit me. “Well,” I said. “I knew I was overqualified to become a lawyer.” The courtroom erupted in laughter. Even the judge chuckled. The rest of his questions landed flat. So, I wasn’t all that keen on a show about lawyers, but ‘Suits’ is great. Meghan Markle became a princess because of the show, and she is very good in it (and a beautiful woman). Yet, there is so much more. The wri
Read more

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more