Power of Prayer

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I woke up this morning at first light because the birds were singing so joyfully outside my window. I listened to one particularly annoying bastard for a long time as my heart and mind got ready for the new day.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I was part of the way through an Our Father and then a Hail Mary. The nuns instilled a need to pray that had been reinforced over and over as I grew to become an adult. We say a prayer together as a family each night too, so I imagine that I have probably developed a lifelong habit in my children.

Yet today, as has been happening since, oh say early March, I cut the prayer short. Midway through the Hail Mary, I stopped. And that bastard bird kept singing. My human-hindered mind stopped me short because the question behind my still closed eyes was "What the hell good am I doing?"

And I considered each and every statement of love that was popping into my partially closed mind. All of the statements made by the nuns came rushing back in a tidal wave of voices from the past.

We should Thank God for the day we've been given. We should pray for the souls of the departed. We should pray for peace. We should pray for our loved ones. We should pray that it doesn't rain on the days we've scheduled a party - hell put a rosary in the bushes. We should pray that our words to one another are uttered in peace with how God wants us to live.

And I thought of my Mom - one of the most faithful people on the planet - who shortly after the funeral said - "I pray for each of you, by name (Not a short order), every night before I go to sleep - and now it just makes me sad."

I know exactly what she means.

And another buddy of mine, who has been by my side since we were four years old (whether we lived in the same place or not) who explained that I was currently stuck in the Footprints card and Jesus has been carrying me through the pain.

Well, is it still all right that I don't feel like getting down yet?

Also, Jeff's voice just popped into my head too - "Jesus is carrying you? Does he have a crane?"

I don't know. I finished the Hail Mary and maybe that's a start. A return to church yet? Not sure. Let's see what happens to my mind as I shower.

Isn't that singing bird just wonderful?

Bastard.

Comments

CorLeone said…
This is truly a test of my character. My faith has faltered, but I push it to understand. I pray for all of us by name also. I need you to start again so you can say my name too.
03 May, 2009
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