Up & At ‘Em
“Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey,” Earl used to say in the highly underrated, “My Name Is Earl.”
In one episode, his dim-witted brother was waking up Earl.
“Wakey, wakey, get your hands off your penis,” Randy said.
That’s the exact line I use to wake my kids up, and out of all of us, I’m the only one who doesn’t need an alarm clock...
...and the reason is that I’m the only one who goes to bed and gets up at the same time most days.
Bed at 9:00, read until 10, up between 5:30 and 6:00.
On the weekends I try to push it all back an hour.
Of course, Melky wants none of that weekend crap...
...regardless of the day of the week, she starts crying at 8:00 and doesn’t stop crying until we’re in bed.
And the rest of my family???
Different bed time and different wakey, wakey time every day.
Sam has the worst habits of all of us.
He gets home from work and he’s about 20 minutes from sleep...
...doesn’t matter the time of day.
Enough time to make and eat chicken fries doused in hot sauce and he’s off.
“We better get Sam up or he’ll be up all night.”
And sometimes he is.
I opened his bedroom door to let Paris out and noticed his light was on.
So was his PlayStation and the music was playing. He was fully dressed and asleep in his chair.
“Dude!”
“Oh, I fell asleep. What time is it?”
“Six in the morning.”
“Oh, good. I have a few more hours.”
Kathy?
She could fall asleep on the side of the Thruway and she goes instantly.
She’ll recline in her chair as we watch a show.
“Good night,” I’ll say.
“Not going to sleep, just stretching,” she’ll answer.
Two seconds later I hear a snore.
Not sure where I’m going with this because I’d love to say that my system works, but every now and again, I can’t sleep for anything.
I never get the old “Wakey, wakey” call.
But I never tire of calling it out either.
In one episode, his dim-witted brother was waking up Earl.
“Wakey, wakey, get your hands off your penis,” Randy said.
That’s the exact line I use to wake my kids up, and out of all of us, I’m the only one who doesn’t need an alarm clock...
...and the reason is that I’m the only one who goes to bed and gets up at the same time most days.
Bed at 9:00, read until 10, up between 5:30 and 6:00.
On the weekends I try to push it all back an hour.
Of course, Melky wants none of that weekend crap...
...regardless of the day of the week, she starts crying at 8:00 and doesn’t stop crying until we’re in bed.
And the rest of my family???
Different bed time and different wakey, wakey time every day.
Sam has the worst habits of all of us.
He gets home from work and he’s about 20 minutes from sleep...
...doesn’t matter the time of day.
Enough time to make and eat chicken fries doused in hot sauce and he’s off.
“We better get Sam up or he’ll be up all night.”
And sometimes he is.
I opened his bedroom door to let Paris out and noticed his light was on.
So was his PlayStation and the music was playing. He was fully dressed and asleep in his chair.
“Dude!”
“Oh, I fell asleep. What time is it?”
“Six in the morning.”
“Oh, good. I have a few more hours.”
Kathy?
She could fall asleep on the side of the Thruway and she goes instantly.
She’ll recline in her chair as we watch a show.
“Good night,” I’ll say.
“Not going to sleep, just stretching,” she’ll answer.
Two seconds later I hear a snore.
Not sure where I’m going with this because I’d love to say that my system works, but every now and again, I can’t sleep for anything.
I never get the old “Wakey, wakey” call.
But I never tire of calling it out either.
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