Tighty-Whities

So during the Breaking Bad phase of our lives there came a time when we had a family discussion about the tighty-whities that Walter wore.

Let me set the scene:

I was in my spot, heating pad, blankie and Melky right beside me. Jake was next on the couch, watching the show in season 5 again even though he had already finished the series.

"This is the one where Jessie dies," he'd say as we started each new episode.

(I swear I don't know where these children have learned to be so sarcastic).

My beautiful wife was across the way, and she snickered when Walter came running out in his underpants.

"He looks ridiculous in those," Jake said.

"Hey!" I yelled.

I too wear that style.

"Don't you think he looks ridiculous?" Kathy asked.

I was in a tough spot here.

"If I say he looks ridiculous than I must look ridiculous," I said.

"Oh, you look a hundred times worse," Jake answered.

So there we have it.

All out in the open.

No feelings spared.

"I can't wear boxers," I said.

I had tried. Kathy had, many times over tried to introduce the switch by bringing home alternate styles. The boys all wear boxer briefs.

The ones she bought for me are buried in the bottom of my dresser drawer next to the skinny jeans that will never be worn again unless I get a bout of swine flu.

"I don't care," I said. "Who am I trying to impress? No one sees me in 'em."

Jake laughed.

"What?"

Now Sam had joined the room.

"Over the summer you got up in the middle of the night and came downstairs for a bottle of water," Sam said. "Matt had one of his friends and two girls over to watch a movie. Evidently you had no idea, but you haven't seen those girls back here again, have you?"

There was joyous laughter all around.

"I'm trying to watch the show!" I said.

There ain't nobody taking my tighty-whities.