What's the Obsession With Coffee?

-
Who would've thunk that having a cup of coffee would turn into a national obsession?

I'm not one of those guys who hates coffee. I'll drink a cup, maybe two a day. I usually don't even taste the first one...just drink it down quickly as I'm heading out the door. I may stop for another at mid-morning, but let me tell you, I'm not obsessed.

Damn.

We have Tim Horton's up here.

On every single corner.

The line to the drive-thru usually snakes around and out the driveway until it interferes with traffic on the road.

I'm not waiting in line for coffee.

So I usually get out of the car and pour that second cup myself at a 7/11.

That isn't easy either.

There are 72 kinds of coffee.

It takes me five minutes trying to find the regular.

Blueberry coffee?

Coffee with whipped cream?

Why don't you just order pancakes?

It always takes me another five minutes to find the friggin' lids.

I like mine regular. No sugar, but milk. Just milk. No flavored syrup. No creme brulle creamer.

Around our house there's a real crisis brewing when we are low on the French Vanilla creamer.

My beautiful wife drinks it.

My daughter Matt drinks it.

A few weeks ago I was at the fridge at Wegman's. I lifted a big jug of creamer out because I do most of the grocery shopping because I'm a wonderful husband.

An elderly lady watched me put the creamer in the cart.

"Do you know how bad that is for you?" The lady asked. "You really should get half and half."

I did my usual gig when I'm taking unsolicited advice from total strangers.

"Why don't you mind your own business, dude?"

(I'm serious. I called her dude).

"Just trying to help," she said.

I smiled.

Mrs. Kravitz walked away in a huff.

(I hope the older folks get that reference).

Anywhoha...back to the coffee....

Why do they serve it so freaking hot?

Have you ever bought a coffee and had to wait a half an hour to drink it?

Who the hell wants a coffee a half an hour from now?

McDonalds does that. I ordered a coffee from their drive-thru one day and asked the lady in the box to put a couple of ice cubes in it to cool it down.

I started driving away before I looked at it.

The dumb bastard had filled the cup with half ice and half coffee.

I rifled the cup off the wall next to the window and drove away.

You see what happens when the coffee order is wrong?

I felt like yelling out my window:

"I said a couple of cubes, DUDE!"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Suits

-
Like a lot of other people we got pulled into the series, ‘Suits’ on Netflix. I’ve never had much fun hanging around lawyers who have questioned me as a construction safety officer. I once testified in a case where the opposing lawyer started questioning me by going through my educational background. “So,” he said, racing to a crescendo, “You graduated from college with a degree in Communications-Journalism and suddenly, 30 years later, you’re a ‘safety expert.’” He actually made the quotation marks with his fingers. I just looked at him. “How does that happen?” He bellowed, sure that he was going to discredit me. “Well,” I said. “I knew I was overqualified to become a lawyer.” The courtroom erupted in laughter. Even the judge chuckled. The rest of his questions landed flat. So, I wasn’t all that keen on a show about lawyers, but ‘Suits’ is great. Meghan Markle became a princess because of the show, and she is very good in it (and a beautiful woman). Yet, there is so much more. The wri
Read more

My Buddy, Dave

-
Way back in 1997, I started working with a steel erection company out of Syracuse. I was coming straight from a long stint with a steel erector here in Buffalo so I knew my stuff when it came to steel erection safety rules. On day one, I met with the safety director and he was just getting started as a safety guy, but man, he certainly cared about the guys he worked with. Dave was a good man from the start. He’d say things like: “You’re so full of beans.” Just a down to earth, hardworking guy who became a fast friend. We drove all around New York State setting up jobs. I always let Dave drive so that I could rest. One fine day, way up North of Syracuse, we passed a state trooper.  I glanced at the speedometer. “You’re screwed,” I said, and seconds later, the lights came on. Dave was beside himself.  The cop stopped by the window, grabbed the license and registration and headed back to his vehicle. “Here’s the thing,” I said. “You’re pissed, but you’re such a good guy that I bet you tha
Read more

Mom & Ollie

-
Image
 Ollie Stadium is a mess. The heavy rains rendered the backyard a mud pit and even though we threw in the side yard, the Big O was looking for more, and we were both covered in mud. I had to take some steam out of him somehow so I suggested we go visit Grandma. Ollie hates the car, but he laid quietly as we made the trip. We even brought the football because there is plenty of room to play at Grandma’s. Mom opened the door and started laughing. I thought about the love she had for every single dog we ever had. Oliver was quick to give my Mom a kiss, and then he stood beside her. The love between Mom and Dogs is a mutual bond. Through the years, Mom would make breakfast for the dogs.  Fried eggs, toast, bacon… She would wrap Christmas gifts for them. “To Jeter, Love Santa,” she would write on the cards. They played with the big chicken that made a lot of noise. Mom tossed the football and Ollie brought it back to her. As the visit drew to a close I headed for the door.  “C’mon, Oliver,”
Read more