Everything's Contaminated

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This past week one of my children expressed frustration about life in general. He was sort of up against it and his expectations didn't meet his reality when it came to a social function at school.

Just one of those things. And it frustrated him.

As a parent it's awful difficult to watch your child be upset about anything. We spend a lot of time shielding them and I know that my beautiful wife and I want nothing but smooth sailing for them through the years.

Yet it won't happen.

Around that same time Kathy and I settled in for an episode of Breaking Bad from season 3 (we're making good time) and the episode, at first glance, seemed to be a throw away type of show about the two main characters chasing a fly around their lab.

(I won't spoil anything if you're just getting started, Kim).

Every single sentence brought me closer to the feeling that it not only wasn't a throw away episode, but that it was so profound.

Walter expresses discomfort in trying to find the 'perfect moment.'

At first glance it would seem that there aren't any perfect moments.

But we all search for them.

The day we were married?

Hell no!

The day our child or children were born?

Nope. That's when it begins.

And while there are moments that stay in our minds, we would be hard-pressed to say exactly when it was all great.

I have moments of extreme clarity. I truly do. I recall driving with the family back from Mom and Dad's years ago. Knopfler was on the car radio. The kids were quiet. Kathy was looking out the window. It was a bright, sunny day. The music was in control. The soft, soothing guitar. Dad had made pasta and all of my siblings had been there.

"I wish I could bottle how I feel right now," I said.

And those moments are there. They glide by due to ambition and stress and bad hips and other people stepping on our plans and sneezing next to us on a crowded airplane.

And we forget them.

And hang onto the frustrating moments way too long.

When Walter and Jesse give up on getting the fly Jesse asks about the contamination.

"Don't worry about it," Walter says. "Everything is contaminated."

I almost want to tell my boys that.

The perfect moment seems to be right there, but it never really arrives. We all continue to chase the fly around the gigantic space.

It's always just out of our grasp.

Except it isn't.

Except that when we get it, it doesn't really change much.

Because the perfect moments are already right there for us.

Inside.

Where everything is free.

Where the contaminants don't live unless we feed them.

Perfect moments?

I have them all the time, actually.

I just need to pay attention to them.

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