Rectum? It Nearly Killed Him

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So, the deal with God has been called off as there was just a 24-hour window and I did not improve enough in that time frame to warrant keeping my big mouth shut.

So!

The umps blew another call in Atlanta invoking the infield fly rule on a deep ball to left. As the fans were littering the field with their drink containers I thought of a faraway country where they storm the field after a soccer match (storming anything over soccer is scary in itself) but I did call the umps post-game response:

"I'm right. You're wrong. Tough shit."

That was pretty much it.

People have been yelling 'Kill the Ump' since 1890.

Let's hope they don't do it.

Did you hear about the boy at the University of Tennessee who supposedly went to the hospital as the victim of drinking a beer through his ass?

Not kidding.

It's all the rage, apparently. The alcohol is absorbed quickly and just a few ounces can render you shit-faced.

I used to like drinking. I used to love beer. Those days are long gone as I struggle with being an elderly 47-year-old but I'm not quite sure that I would have ever been tempted to rip down my pants and allow one of my buddies to pour a beer in my ass.

I can't even believe I typed that last sentence.

I have three boys growing up now. One is already in the midst of doing stupid things that I probably don't want to know a lot about. I can't believe that we're going to have to have the 'no beer in your ass' talk with him.

It ought to be an interesting week ahead. The 27-time, first-place, AL East Champion, we-don't-need-a-wild-card-to-back-in Yankees are facing off against the Baltimore Orioles...starting the series...on the road???

(How does that happen?)

Whatever.

May the best team win.

May all the slap-happy Baltimorons (I told you the pact was null and void) have a little bit of fun during the three game sweep.

I'm told that Jeffrey Maier will be throwing out the first pitch when the series shifts to New York.

Comments

deafjeff said…
Woo hoo let's go butt chugging! The first one is in you!
06 October, 2012
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