I Swear

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Dear God,

I will stop making fun of people if you'll let me feel better.

I won't call Lance Armstrong a douchebag.

I won't mention that Arnold did the predator.

I will never again call the Red Sox the Suck Sox.

All I'm looking for is the chance to lift my head without it aching.

No more heavy sweating waking up in a pool of Italian juices.

I will be fair to the O's and the Phillies and I will refer to the fine people of Baltimore as something other than Baltimorons.

I won't call that QB from Pittsburgh Rapistpervert.

I'll forgive Michael Vick and Cheetah Woods.

(Okay, Tiger Woods...I didn't mean to call him Cheetah).

No more white women Michael Jackson jokes.

God,

Please.

Let me feel better.

I stop shorting of promising to be nice to W. and Palin.

But even You can understand that, right?

Signed,

Fabulous Fazzolari

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