Devoid?

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I had to travel out of town yesterday. A couple of my real good friends wanted me to go out for a couple of beers, perhaps to make me feel more comfortable in my own skin. I was looking forward to it for a little while, but as the day wore on, I was less than enthused.

That's the problem here. All of the things that seemed like great fun about two months ago are now devoid of any joy. I am certainly hoping that it changes, but right now, today, I'm wondering about joy and whether or not it will be a missing element.

I went to the bar, arriving first, and feeling like a fish out of water as I ordered a Heineken Light. I suppose that is my beer of choice now as it was Jeff's favorite. In any regard, I never felt like a fish out of water ordering a beer before.

There were a lot of people around me, chatting about their jobs, their loves, the upcoming basketball games, and on and on - all stuff that makes me want to give them a WGAF.

My friends showed up and offered a hug. My fish out of water feeling continued as I wondered about what they wanted to say to me about it, and how badly they felt for me. I hated that feeling!

We chatted about WGAF stuff for awhile and my empty beer was replaced. In days gone by perhaps I would drink as quickly as I could. Last night I nursed three or four beers in over two hours time.

Guys know that the best part of hanging out is making fun of each other - eventually we got around to that - and it was fairly comfortable - I threw a few zingers, but in the end I left a half a bottle of beer on the bar, and left early.

No joy yesterday. None scheduled for today. How long?

Comments

Carrie Lynn Fazzolari said…
I know exactly what you mean - exactly. I don't think it will ever be the same for any of us, but I have to hope that we'll begin feeling some joy again, at some point... it sucks. I'm sorry Cliffy.
20 March, 2009
Carrie Lynn Fazzolari said…
WGAF is SOOOOOO right on too... meant to say that. I find myself thinking it all the time now.
20 March, 2009
deafjeff said…
But thats the whole point, WGAF has always been there. Most of out life is WGAF. It's those moments of totally inane bullshit that allows my brain to not be consumed by heartbreak. I hope the happiness he had for life will fill us all someday.
20 March, 2009
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