What God Wants

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We say the prayers with the kids every night before bed. To be honest with you, over the last couple of weeks, I've been going through the motions. Not that my faith is shaky, by any means, but I'm kind of in the 'I'm not talking to you right now stage.'

We've all been there - usually with a spouse - you know when you have a difference of opinion and it's not quite bad enough to keep the argument burning, but it's not quite all right to where you can just let bygones be bygones.

I have a Crucifix hanging over me as I write this. It is wrapped with a rosary, and now, my brother's Yankee tie. I glance at it every now and again, and I can feel it looking down upon me, but we aren't all good yet.

The elephant in the room is that I don't understand. Yet deep down, I know that I will never understand. I'm human enough to know that it will have to suffice and that I won't ever be intelligent enough to figure it out.

Still, I believe that there is a better place for all of us - life is about struggling, and this is but a journey to prove our worth - I get it. The nuns beat that crap into me.

There is a creeping doubt associated with all of it too, and I know that the opposite of faith is doubt, and that to continue on down the right path, I can not give into the doubt.

So, where do we sit?

I can't keep giving the silent treatment, right? I do believe. I'm not mad. I won't understand. I just need to accept it, intellectually, somewhere down the line.

The arguments with the spouse or the close friend usually conclude through some sort of act of love. There comes a point when you realize that the silence has really accomplished little, and to move forward, you have to sort it out, re-dedicate yourself to the mission, and somehow forgive.

What God wants, God gets.

I just wonder why He wanted someone that I needed so much.

I can't bargain with Him, but hopefully, someday He makes it somewhat clear.

I'm betting I'll get the message through an act of love, and I'm reminded that I've felt love in so many ways over the past two weeks.

Comments

deafjeff said…
I'm still screaming at the moon.
18 March, 2009
Andrea Renee said…
I hear ya. I used to end our prayers saying, "and thank you God for this day and for keeping us healthy and happy" - now I say, "thank you God for another day." God knows we still love Him, and that He loves us, but He also knows we're human, hurting, and need to muddle through this stage...
19 March, 2009
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