The Roach Coach

There's a bit of a sub-culture out in the world that many of us don't speak about, but man, when the coffee truck pulls up we're all fired up about it.

I've been grabbing stuff off the roach coach for the better part of 33 years now and let me tell you, there's plenty of stories to go around.

"You gotta' see our coffee girl," one gent told me at a job site up in Niagara Falls a few years back.

"When does she get here?" I asked.

"Ten minutes," the guy said.

I didn't know if I had time.

"She's worth the wait," the guy said.

Well, turns out she was...and she also hugged me!

The beautiful girl that all the guys were looking for was a close friend of my niece, and when she saw me, she gave me a hug...in front of all the guys.

It would've been a great story, but she called me: 'Uncle Cliff.'

Sort of took the steam out of it.

But the girls who show up at the sites are selling way more than the coffee. Some of the outfits are downright stripper-ish and the tips reflect those visits.

"I didn't want coffee," one guy once said to me. "But I got a $2 coffee and gave her a $10 tip. God she smelled great."

We all laughed.

"I'm gonna' give her a twenty tomorrow," he said.

The food is pretty bad, actually.

I once ate a meatloaf sandwich off the truck that Melky might've hesitated eating, but at that time of the day, with a long day ahead, it was definitely appreciated.

Yet my favorite roach coach story once again involved a very pretty young lady. I purchased my coffee and headed into the job trailer to meet with the foreman.

"God the coffee girl is like a model," I said as I stepped in out of the cold.

"She's about as bright as one too," he said. "Did you notice the dents on her truck?"

I looked out the window.

Sure enough her truck was badly smashed on both sides and there was nothing in the spot where her mirrors were supposed to be.

"I feel so bad," the guy said. "A couple of days ago she was at the end of the driveway. There was a semi blocking her a little and the concrete truck was on the other side of the drive. She came in here all flustered and said, 'I can't get in the driveway.'"

The guy hesitated for a moment.

"I was on the phone. I cupped the phone and told her:

"Just pull your mirrors in and hit the gas. You'll get in."

The guy started laughing.

"I heard the crash...then she came in crying...I never even got out of the chair to look to see if there was room...I thought she knew I was joking."

I looked out the window at the girl as she reached high to grab something off the top step.

"And now she hates me," he said. "I cry myself to sleep every night."

We watched her swing the door shut and get behind the wheel. She looked to the trailer window and waved at me.

She gave the other guy the finger.

"Ahhhh, that's too bad," I said.

"I might have to buy her a new truck," he said.

I don't think he was kidding.

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