Flying Sucks
I took the job in Philadelphia this week because it seemed like an easy trip.
Just a one hour flight.
Easy enough, right?
Even with having to get to the airport early...it was still an easy in and easy out.
I got the first notice of the first flight delay a good four hours before I was supposed to leave, but the telephone call that I received said this:
Please plan on getting to the airport at your regularly scheduled time because although there is a current delay, we will try and still get you out on time.
That's funny.
I got there at my regularly scheduled time.
An hour later I received another call, while sitting at the empty gate.
The flight was going to be delayed another hour.
I thought about how it would be once I landed.
Would I be able to do the things I needed to do?
I stopped by the gate when a woman from US Airways finally showed up.
She didn't say anything. She didn't apologize. She didn't explain what the hold-up was all about.
I asked her about the time that we were scheduled to leave.
"If you're lucky," she said.
She was right.
An hour later I was told that it would be another hour.
The recorded voice told me that they were happy that they had my business and hoped I understood.
How in the %&*$ am I supposed to understand?
Finally, we were allowed to board the plane. There were only ten of us. We could sit wherever we wanted! We would have an open seat beside us!
So. We were delayed. I would still get there eventually. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
I got settled, thinking about trying to close my eyes for the short trip.
The pilot came over the speaker. He told us a couple of lame-ass jokes. Then the flight attendant came on and told us about using our seats to float across the ocean if we had to.
I didn't listen.
The engines came to life but we never actually left the gate.
After a few minutes, the woman in the row in front of me leaned over the seat and began telling me how aggravated the delays made her. She was trying really hard to sound funny. I nodded at her. She kept talking. I closed my eyes. She actually tapped me to tell me another completely unfunny tidbit about her life. I nodded again and tried my best to give her my most sincere 'leave me the hell alone' look.
We weren't moving.
Twenty minutes went by.
I opened my eyes.
The woman was back. She must have sensed that I opened my eyes because she poked her head back up over the seat.
"Why aren't we moving?" I asked.
"The plane probably broke down," she said.
There was a blast from the speaker and the pilot broke the bad news.
Something was leaking from somewhere.
"Better safe than sorry. Please gather your belongings," he said. "We're returning to the terminal."
We all got off the plane. The chattering woman was still chattering. I still wasn't answering her.
We were escorted back to our seats at the gate.
I had been at the airport for a total of five hours by then.
My phone rang.
It was US Airways telling me that my plane was delayed. They mentioned that we might be leaving in about an hour.
Still not a word about anyone being sorry.
We boarded the new plane.
The same flight attendant looked at all of us again. She read the same damn speech to us!
The same damn woman was still in the row ahead of me. She picked her stupid head up again and started talking!
"Why are you going to Philly?" she asked.
"Listen," I said. "Just cause you can see me, doesn't mean we have to talk."
Her head disappeared.
I never heard her voice again.
The plane landed...
... six hours later than it was supposed to land.
As we pulled up to the gate the annoying flight attendant got on the horn to thank us for choosing their airline. She mentioned that she'd love for us to fly with them again.
Then she stood at the door and did the stupid:
'Bye-bye' shit.
I was dead tired, beyond aggravated and absolutely not interested in smiling at anyone.
From the bad service, cramped seats, not being able to bring toothpaste, deodorant, or even a bottle of water...
...I wasn't ready to forgive and forget.
"How was your flight?" the client asked me when I finally arrived at the event.
"It sucked," I said. "They always suck."
"Did you hear about the pilot who flew into the mountain?" he asked.
"I was ready for that to happen," I answered.
He laughed.
I almost wasn't joking!
Flying sucks.
Just a one hour flight.
Easy enough, right?
Even with having to get to the airport early...it was still an easy in and easy out.
I got the first notice of the first flight delay a good four hours before I was supposed to leave, but the telephone call that I received said this:
Please plan on getting to the airport at your regularly scheduled time because although there is a current delay, we will try and still get you out on time.
That's funny.
I got there at my regularly scheduled time.
An hour later I received another call, while sitting at the empty gate.
The flight was going to be delayed another hour.
I thought about how it would be once I landed.
Would I be able to do the things I needed to do?
I stopped by the gate when a woman from US Airways finally showed up.
She didn't say anything. She didn't apologize. She didn't explain what the hold-up was all about.
I asked her about the time that we were scheduled to leave.
"If you're lucky," she said.
She was right.
An hour later I was told that it would be another hour.
The recorded voice told me that they were happy that they had my business and hoped I understood.
How in the %&*$ am I supposed to understand?
Finally, we were allowed to board the plane. There were only ten of us. We could sit wherever we wanted! We would have an open seat beside us!
So. We were delayed. I would still get there eventually. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
I got settled, thinking about trying to close my eyes for the short trip.
The pilot came over the speaker. He told us a couple of lame-ass jokes. Then the flight attendant came on and told us about using our seats to float across the ocean if we had to.
I didn't listen.
The engines came to life but we never actually left the gate.
After a few minutes, the woman in the row in front of me leaned over the seat and began telling me how aggravated the delays made her. She was trying really hard to sound funny. I nodded at her. She kept talking. I closed my eyes. She actually tapped me to tell me another completely unfunny tidbit about her life. I nodded again and tried my best to give her my most sincere 'leave me the hell alone' look.
We weren't moving.
Twenty minutes went by.
I opened my eyes.
The woman was back. She must have sensed that I opened my eyes because she poked her head back up over the seat.
"Why aren't we moving?" I asked.
"The plane probably broke down," she said.
There was a blast from the speaker and the pilot broke the bad news.
Something was leaking from somewhere.
"Better safe than sorry. Please gather your belongings," he said. "We're returning to the terminal."
We all got off the plane. The chattering woman was still chattering. I still wasn't answering her.
We were escorted back to our seats at the gate.
I had been at the airport for a total of five hours by then.
My phone rang.
It was US Airways telling me that my plane was delayed. They mentioned that we might be leaving in about an hour.
Still not a word about anyone being sorry.
We boarded the new plane.
The same flight attendant looked at all of us again. She read the same damn speech to us!
The same damn woman was still in the row ahead of me. She picked her stupid head up again and started talking!
"Why are you going to Philly?" she asked.
"Listen," I said. "Just cause you can see me, doesn't mean we have to talk."
Her head disappeared.
I never heard her voice again.
The plane landed...
... six hours later than it was supposed to land.
As we pulled up to the gate the annoying flight attendant got on the horn to thank us for choosing their airline. She mentioned that she'd love for us to fly with them again.
Then she stood at the door and did the stupid:
'Bye-bye' shit.
I was dead tired, beyond aggravated and absolutely not interested in smiling at anyone.
From the bad service, cramped seats, not being able to bring toothpaste, deodorant, or even a bottle of water...
...I wasn't ready to forgive and forget.
"How was your flight?" the client asked me when I finally arrived at the event.
"It sucked," I said. "They always suck."
"Did you hear about the pilot who flew into the mountain?" he asked.
"I was ready for that to happen," I answered.
He laughed.
I almost wasn't joking!
Flying sucks.
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