One Hundred Ten Percent

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God I hate interviews with sports participants.

Lately ESPN has been the LeBron show. (You don't really want my opinion on Floppy the Crybaby). But I can do the interview after a loss for him.

Reporter: What happened out there?

Random Dumb-Dumb: We didn't play as well as we're capable of playing. We have to step it up to the next level. We'll be back on Sunday and we'll give it a hundred and ten percent.

Reporter: Thank you for the insight. Those are powerful words indeed.

I say that this is how the exchange should go:

Reporter: What happened out there?

Random Dumb-Dumb: We didn't play as well as we're capable of playing. We have to step it up to the next level. We'll be back on Sunday and we'll give it a hundred and ten percent.

Reporter: Are you f&*King kidding me? That's your answer? How do you 'step up'? Where the hell is the 'next level'? There's only one hundred percent, you freaking moron.

The boys just roll their eyes at me as I match the random dumb-dumb's answer to what he's saying on the screen.

But it's the same thing every single time!

Go back and read last year's newspaper on the verge of the football season. The Buffalo Bills player would have said exactly this:

"We know all about missing the playoffs. We intend to give it one-hundred ten percent. We're going to leave it all out on the field. The playoff drought is going to end."

You know why I know what they said last year?

Because they're saying the same thing this year!

One step further. Their rookie Knee-J Manuel spent all of last off-season telling us how prepared he was and how unafraid he was of being a rookie. He was ready to step-it-up to the next mother-fing level! He wasn't going to be overwhelmed by the pro game.

You know what he's saying this year?

"I wasn't ready last year. I was overwhelmed by the pro game. Being a rookie and all took a toll. This year I'm ready to take it to the next level. I'm gonna' step it the F up and give it one hundred and ten f-ing percent."

I hate it!

So, we don't watch it much anymore around here.

But the boys can really do the dance.

Me: Did you mow the lawn?

Random Dopey Bastard: I wasn't feeling it. When I get behind that mower I like to get into a zone of sorts. I want to be able to give it one-hundred ten percent. I'll mow the lawn when I feel ready to take it to the next level and not a moment before. I owe it to myself and the lawn to get mentally prepared before I head out there.

Me: I'll kill you!

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