Hurting Time

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The most draining thing of all is when, in the middle of a normal day, something happens that brings about a depression because:

Someone is missing.

And, of course, I know that the list of people who have suffered through loss is too lengthy to even think about, it's not any less crushing when the feeling hits your heart.

Just crushing.

I passed by a car the other day that had a dedication posted on the back window:

To Janey - 1984-2013. We Miss You Every Day.

There was a crucifix in the center of the words, and as I took the moment to glance an elderly couple made their way towards the vehicle.

Missing their daughter.

I knew that couple suffered through the wild card, random hits of pain, that are brought about simply by running through their daily rituals.

It could be a song. Or a meal. Or a car passing by that looks like their car. Or a voice like his nephew shouting out while playing a video game. Or a random, 'Bah!'

And suddenly you're off and running.

Sinking down.

Letting the pain rip at you as you try and go about mundane every day chores. Knowing that you have to bury the hurt deep. Knowing that they'd want you to keep punching back.

At a life that is unfair sometimes.

I watched the man back the car out of his space. I thought of Janey, wondering what had happened.

But it doesn't matter.

We all have to feel the hurt.

It's what makes us know that the love was there.

The tremendous love was there.

The tremendous love is still there.

And if I could've spoken with the man behind the wheel or the woman in the passenger seat I might have said a couple of things:

Don't string the down days together.

There's so much still left for us to do that we can't afford to stay under the spell for too long. It can kill you!

And

Know that love is bigger than death.

No one can strip you of the love that you feel inside.

Every day.

Until the moment when you leave the planet.

Love wins.

Eventually...

...feel the pain...let it hammer you for a little while, but know...

Love wins.

Comments

Rita said…
Took some time this morning to read through your posts from the last month... really glad that I did so because I would have missed this. The reminders that, as you say, have you "off and running," I used to think of them as cutting me off at the knees. I'd be having a perfectly fine day, and then bam!, the pain is as acute as on day one. However, as time goes by, the reminders become less frequent because life has changed so much... their songs are now relics even on an oldies station. Whereas I used to fear the reminders, I now find myself welcoming them and smiling through the tears. Thanks!
07 July, 2014
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