In the Event of An Emergency
The flying experience really does suck.
I had a crying baby behind me and a lady who didn't stop talking for more than three minutes of the two hour flight beside me.
She smiled at me widely when I sat down but I put my headphones on and cranked the music up and closed my eyes. I had to turn the music way up as she turned her ample ass to me and talked the ear off of the poor lady on the other side of her.
I feigned sleep for the entire flight, afraid that she'd tell me her life story.
And it got even weirder on the next leg of the trip.
We were dropped in concourse B in Atlanta and the flight to Buffalo was leaving from Concourse C...twenty minutes after we arrived.
If you've never been to the Atlanta airport you have no idea how big it really is. I was nervous getting off the plane as I certainly didn't want to miss the last flight to Buffalo because there was a blizzard on the way.
I miss the Tuesday night flight and I might not get home until Friday.
So I was up and on the move as soon as they opened the door.
Problem being that my 'on the move' speed has considerably slowed. The swelling remains in my Fred Flintstone feet and every single step is rough, especially after being crammed into an airplane seat for two hours.
But I was moving. Up the huge escalator.
A woman beside me screamed out in aggravation:
"I need to get on the plane to Buffalo! I don't know what gate it's leaving from!!"
"C37," I said.
"Where the mother%$&* is that?" She yelled.
I tabbed her at a bit younger than me. She was fired up.
"Follow me," I said.
We made it up the escalator walking the steps up and made the trip to the train just as the doors opened to take us to Concourse C.
3 minutes later we were in front of the gate.
"Come on," she said. "I'll buy you a beer."
The whole thing caught me completely off guard. Someone was asking to buy me a beer?
"You drink beer?" she asked.
I had been thinking of grabbing a couple of waters for the trip home.
"No," I said. "I guess I don't anymore."
She looked at me as if I had three eyes, and she headed away quickly.
I bought a couple of waters and boarded the plane early enough to get a seat in an Exit aisle.
"Are you ready to help in an emergency?" the pretty attendant asked me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You're at the exit door. If there's a problem are you willing to help get others to safety before you exit the plane?"
"Like a crash?" I asked.
She looked around and nodded sheepishly.
"I know what answer you're looking for," I said, "But if this plane goes down and I get that exit door open and there's safety on the other side all you're gonna' see are the soles of my shoes."
She laughed.
The guy beside me said, "I'll be right beside you. %&$* these other people."
Yet we remained in our important seats.
Thank God we weren't called on in the event of an emergency.
I had a crying baby behind me and a lady who didn't stop talking for more than three minutes of the two hour flight beside me.
She smiled at me widely when I sat down but I put my headphones on and cranked the music up and closed my eyes. I had to turn the music way up as she turned her ample ass to me and talked the ear off of the poor lady on the other side of her.
I feigned sleep for the entire flight, afraid that she'd tell me her life story.
And it got even weirder on the next leg of the trip.
We were dropped in concourse B in Atlanta and the flight to Buffalo was leaving from Concourse C...twenty minutes after we arrived.
If you've never been to the Atlanta airport you have no idea how big it really is. I was nervous getting off the plane as I certainly didn't want to miss the last flight to Buffalo because there was a blizzard on the way.
I miss the Tuesday night flight and I might not get home until Friday.
So I was up and on the move as soon as they opened the door.
Problem being that my 'on the move' speed has considerably slowed. The swelling remains in my Fred Flintstone feet and every single step is rough, especially after being crammed into an airplane seat for two hours.
But I was moving. Up the huge escalator.
A woman beside me screamed out in aggravation:
"I need to get on the plane to Buffalo! I don't know what gate it's leaving from!!"
"C37," I said.
"Where the mother%$&* is that?" She yelled.
I tabbed her at a bit younger than me. She was fired up.
"Follow me," I said.
We made it up the escalator walking the steps up and made the trip to the train just as the doors opened to take us to Concourse C.
3 minutes later we were in front of the gate.
"Come on," she said. "I'll buy you a beer."
The whole thing caught me completely off guard. Someone was asking to buy me a beer?
"You drink beer?" she asked.
I had been thinking of grabbing a couple of waters for the trip home.
"No," I said. "I guess I don't anymore."
She looked at me as if I had three eyes, and she headed away quickly.
I bought a couple of waters and boarded the plane early enough to get a seat in an Exit aisle.
"Are you ready to help in an emergency?" the pretty attendant asked me.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You're at the exit door. If there's a problem are you willing to help get others to safety before you exit the plane?"
"Like a crash?" I asked.
She looked around and nodded sheepishly.
"I know what answer you're looking for," I said, "But if this plane goes down and I get that exit door open and there's safety on the other side all you're gonna' see are the soles of my shoes."
She laughed.
The guy beside me said, "I'll be right beside you. %&$* these other people."
Yet we remained in our important seats.
Thank God we weren't called on in the event of an emergency.
Comments