Change the World

You know, back when I was a kid I was told, by everyone it seems, that anything is possible.

You can be whatever you want to be. Just put your mind to it.

Do they still peddle that crap these days?

He can change the world if he wants to, my second grade teacher allegedly told my mother.

She was a nun. She ended up at the funny farm, I think.

I say all of this because I was thinking about human behavior this morning. I teach a lot of classes for my job, and I very often polish my stand up act in the class as we discuss why people do what they do.

I have a good client that has seen my act on an annual basis for about five years now, and I stood before them, and worked out some new material as I spoke about defensive driving and talked about the perils of driving under the influence.

I'm not quite sure why I got off on that tangent, but for a split-second I stood before them thinking that they were a little tired from too much lunch, and that I had better turn it into something funny real soon or they'd be sleeping.

"It's amazing," I said. "That people still drive drunk."

I thought of the Sam Kinison line.

I'm against drunk driving, but I have one question: How do I get my f%&*ng car home?"

I got the laugh.

And then it sort of hit me.

There's really no changing the world. It's all a pipe dream, I thought as I stood before them.

The guys before me understood all that I was about to say about not being safe in their personal life as well as their work lives. They all saw the news, every day about horrific crashes that would snuff out everything they worked for in a single instant, but there were certainly a few of them...hopefully less than a few...who would not listen at all.

I went off on a twenty-minute rant about my son becoming a driver, complete with his journey into the back of a school bus and his famous line:

"If you don't stop yelling at me I'll call my Mom."

The room was roaring.

I'd woken them up.

Or had I?

"Seriously though," I said. "It blows my mind that I'm standing here talking about this and tomorrow morning I'll open the paper and read about the guy who drove drunk, or the teenager who went into the other lane reading a text message. We have all the information. We know all of the bad things that can happen. Then we do it anyway."

"Do you safety guys have bad habits?" one of the guys shouted out.

I did my best strut across the stage acting as if the very question that he asked was an insult to everything I stood for.

How dare he ask me such a question.

"I've been coming here long enough for you to know the answer to that," I said. "And despite the image I portray not all safety men are geniuses, but I don't drive drunk. Ever. I might answer a call now and again, but texting while driving is sort of really stupid, right?"

They agreed with guilty shakes of their heads.

Tomorrow a few of them would do it anyway.

But maybe one guy wouldn't.

I thought about changing the world again.

The nuns were wrong.

I wouldn't see all of the changes, but maybe...perhaps...just a little.

"Hey genius," one guy yelled out. "You got a little mustard on your shirt there."

"We all know that Einstein couldn't tie his shoes," I fired back.

I got the laugh.

One guy at a time?