Let Me Tell You Something

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As we get older I really think our patience leaves us. It just runs straight out the door being chased by all the special plans we made.

I say this because there was a woman in front of me at the checkout line at the local grocery store.

In the grand scheme of my life she will be quickly forgotten, of course, but for just a few minutes there we made a connection, and let me tell you:

I hated the woman.

Let me set the scene:

One cashier open.

It was just 8 a.m. on Saturday. I had a newspaper and a few cans of chicken noodle soup. I had two dogs in the car waiting for me to finish the second half of bye-bye's.I was fatigued, to be sure.

The woman was wide awake. She had one of those loud booming voices and a laugh that was even more mind-numbing. She glanced at the headline on my paper that was on the belt behind her hundreds of dollars worth of groceries. Her 7-year-old kid was begging her for candy, but she was trained on me.

"THAT HURRICANE WAS AWFUL!" she yelled at me. "I DON'T KNOW WHY THOSE PEOPLE ARE BITCHING NOW, THOUGH. DIDN'T THEY SEE IT COMING?"

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Mommy, I want the Sponge Bob candy."

"NO!"

She looked back at me.

Now mind you, I haven't said one word to encourage her. I wanted to be deaf, mute and blind. I also wanted to be anywhere else in the world.

"THEY'RE ALL OUT OF GAS. DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF YOU HEARD THE HURRICANE WAS COMING THAT YOU'D FILL UP YOUR GAS TANK? LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, PEOPLE JUST DON'T THINK."

"I feel bad for them," I whispered.

"OH, I DON'T! THEY WANTED THEIR BIG HOMES ON THE OCEAN. WELL, SOMETIMES THE OCEAN COMES UP TO BEAT YOU. WHY WOULD YOU BUILD A HOUSE ON THE OCEAN?"

"Speaking of oceans," the kid said. "Sponge Bob!"

I felt bad for the kid.

The mother ripped the candy out of his hand and saw that it was only 64 cents.

"WE JUST HAD HALLOWEEN AND HE WANTS CANDY! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?"

The cashier was scanning the last of the groceries. She was asking the lady if she had any coupons.

Of course she did.

Please God let her be done with me, I thought.

"I HATE NEW YORK CITY ANYWAY," she said. "NOW THEY'RE GONNA' USE ALL OF OUR TAXES TO FIX THE PLACE."

The woman laid a sleeve of food stamps on the belt. The kid skipped away with his candy.

"Have a great weekend," I muttered.

I thought of a recent George Carlin quote.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are stupider than that.

"YOU HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND TOO," she said. "AT LEAST WE AREN'T LIVING THERE, RIGHT?"

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

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