Starting Over Again
The fatigue in my bones is hauntingly familiar. It's an ache that is so strong, that it seems that the train that crashed into my family life hit me head on and carried me for miles and miles.
The overwhelming idea is to run and hide inside myself until the aching somehow subsides, but my Daddy didn't raise any quitters.
Still, it is impossible to really know what the thought process of the next couple of days, months, or even years will bring. Most likely a million and one stories of a man who lived a full, and mostly happy life. The exception being the last 16 months when the heartache of losing my brother was too much for his huge heart to handle.
But the exhaustion of heart, mind and body has absolute control right now, and I realize that I'm not in it alone. My mother, my siblings, our spouses, are all feeling it. We were all on the tracks when that train came barreling through.
But we will begin again. And that's because time waits for no one. Life doesn't slow down to really let you catch your breath. The world spins and spins and spins, and if you try to get off for awhile, you lose your place and wind up stuck on the tracks.
There were so many people that reached out to us during the wake and funeral ceremony. As I eulogized my Dad I could hear his voice in my ear, pleading with me to make sure that everyone moved forward. He would most certainly would have asked me to convey his love.
So I did. And people showed us love as well, and in the end there was only one thing that I could end it with:
Goodbye, Dad. For your love and guidance through the years we give God Thanks.
He would've liked that.
The overwhelming idea is to run and hide inside myself until the aching somehow subsides, but my Daddy didn't raise any quitters.
Still, it is impossible to really know what the thought process of the next couple of days, months, or even years will bring. Most likely a million and one stories of a man who lived a full, and mostly happy life. The exception being the last 16 months when the heartache of losing my brother was too much for his huge heart to handle.
But the exhaustion of heart, mind and body has absolute control right now, and I realize that I'm not in it alone. My mother, my siblings, our spouses, are all feeling it. We were all on the tracks when that train came barreling through.
But we will begin again. And that's because time waits for no one. Life doesn't slow down to really let you catch your breath. The world spins and spins and spins, and if you try to get off for awhile, you lose your place and wind up stuck on the tracks.
There were so many people that reached out to us during the wake and funeral ceremony. As I eulogized my Dad I could hear his voice in my ear, pleading with me to make sure that everyone moved forward. He would most certainly would have asked me to convey his love.
So I did. And people showed us love as well, and in the end there was only one thing that I could end it with:
Goodbye, Dad. For your love and guidance through the years we give God Thanks.
He would've liked that.
Comments