Cross Your Heart

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I don't lie very well. Not sure if the nuns beat it out of me, or it was being afraid of disappointing my parents, but being brutally honest can be troublesome too, especially when someone asks you a question that deserves a lie.

Does this make my ass look fat?
Does it taste all right?
How much do you weigh?
Do you think I'm smart?

All questions that should be answered with a slight lie.

When you shouldn't lie, for sure:

When the FBI, holding syringes with your blood in them, asks if you ever took steroids.

I'm not a big fan of Roger Clemens. I hated him when he was on the Red Sux. I feel like he stole a MVP from Mattingly.

I hated him less when he was on the Yankees.

I sort of liked him when he closed out the World Series in 1999. I would've still disliked him if I knew he were cheating then. I should have figured he was. Because everyone was.

But nothing disturbs me more than when I catch my kids mis-remembering something, and then swearing to it.

We all make mistakes. Own up to them. Simple as that.

Clemens went hard in his own defense. He felt he was above the law. It's going to really burn him now. Now he can't tell the truth or he'll go to jail.

Through the years I've known people who actually like lying. They will lie over anything. They thrive on it, and love to see who will buy their latest yarn.

It makes their life more difficult, doesn't it? When they are busted they must feel like an ass, right?

One guy I know has such a reputation for lying that another friend once mentioned that 'You have to listen to him because sometimes he tells the truth.'

My wife seems to enjoy the fact that I'm a lousy liar. If I even attempt it these days, we both start laughing.

Roger, Roger, Roger...

...I knew you were a Red Suck at heart.

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