Feeling Mighty Small

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Spent hour after hour in the car today. Drove all the way through Adirondack Park in beautiful New York State and man, I felt small.

Believe it or not I've been relaxed over the last few days. It makes no sense. In three weeks time I've spent 6 days in the funeral home in my hometown. Our family has been devastated again, and I find myself shrugging my shoulders. It's not that I'm not sad. I am. It's not that I don't feel there is an unfillable void. It's just that I feel tiny.

The universe has certainly humbled me, and never more so than it did today. As I drove through the mountains, looking at the streams, and the river and the huge rocks, I felt miniscule.

The sun was riding high in a crystal blue sky. Birds were darting in and out of my line of vision, and I kept thinking about God's hand in the beauty before me.

How can it be ignored?

And when you see the perfection it's almost impossible to consider that the plans you're trying to make are basically insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

Now that's not to say that I'm ready to just give up trying and adopt the philosophy that God will provide. It doesn't really work like that, right? We have to make our own way. We were given free will to decide.

Yet I'm wondering if it is possible to capture the visions of the natural beauty and not believe that there was a hand in the creation of it all.

Most of all, though, I looked up a lot.

Over the top of the mountain, straight into the blue above. I wondered a lot about what there is and what the grand plan can be, but then I settled in, knowing that I'm not really supposed to be able to understand it all right now.

(Fat jokes aside) Despite my size in my own little world, I am small.

In the grand scheme of things, I'm just another of God's creations with the potential to do some big things if I am smart enough to take advantage.

And that was enough to calm me. Sad and calm. Who'd a thunk it?

Comments

Carrie Lynn Fazzolari said…
People just don't look up enough... I think somebody significant once said that... I'm very happy - joyful - you got the black notebook... it's evident in your blogs... please, never stop again.
30 August, 2010
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