Just Too Weird

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Life is certainly a happy little merry-go-round, isn't it? We continue to go in circles, doing our normal things day in and day out, pretending that we are so important that what we do actually needs to be done.

Problem is - it does.

And once in awhile the merry-go-round stops and someone is forced to get off. But the ride keeps on spinning, doesn't it?

And over the last couple of days I've been forced to get back on and find my place in the whirling despair that entraps everyone else.

And it's just too weird.

But a funny thing has happened to me as I tackle the grief process for the 2nd time in less than 18 months. A process that I never actually worked through to the end the first time.

I actually got back on the ride even more determined.

Not sure why it has hit me this way, and perhaps there will be a grey goose infused crash coming my way, but in thinking back on my father's life, I was buoyed by his work ethic, his spirit and his fighting style.

I took into consideration his love for my mother, his love for his children, and his love for his family and friends, and I sort of felt that I should run with it.

So, despite the troubled sleep that has plagued me, I step back onto the carnival ride determined to provide for my children, love my wife, do my job, and have a little more fun with even more gusto than I have up to this point.

I didn't expect to jump back in feet first this week. I thought that I would have to dip my toe to get used to the water, but a funny thing happened down this road to despair...

...I took the shining example of lives well lived, even though way too short, and decided that I'm not going to get off the ride until I'm satisfied.

Dad and Jeff surely wanted to stick around, but they lived it full, every day.

The greatest gift I have left is the opportunity to do the same.

A weird realization, but that's where I'm at.

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