Looking For Something

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I sat in my normal seat for church services, and I listened to the same old scripture and heard the people around me singing the same old songs.

The idea that the church is run by people who may or may not be as holy as they once appeared didn't have any bearing on how I felt as I sat there. I do give money when the collection plate is passed around, but there has been a bit of disconnect. What happened in the Catholic church through the years is disgusting to me on so many different levels...but...old habits die hard.

(A nun reference for those of you paying attention).

And I go to church simply for the hour of peace that it always brings to my mind.

I enjoy the singing and the message that the scriptures bring. I enjoy looking around at the other church-goers and wonder about what everyone is looking for.

We are all looking for something.

Peace.

Salvation.

Grace.

Faith.

We need to feel it in our hearts and souls.

And the woman next to me was spending a bit of time fussing with her brand new baby.

I say 'brand new' but the kid was old enough to look around and take it all in.

And I thought about his wide-eyed innocence as he glanced in my direction and I made the automatic face to try and get him to smile.

The kid did smile, but he looked at me as if I were the one who was brand new.

And if you think of it, we are born with that sort of crazy, wild, undying appreciation of what life has to offer.

But it dies on us.

And we stop appreciating so much.

And wondering so much.

And we begin to gripe about the way things are or the way that we want them to be.

And then we head off to church, or to the bar, or to the strip joint, or to a football game, or anywhere...anywhere at all...

In an eternal battle to try and get some of that peace and comfort back.

We are born with the sense of wonder...we lose it along the way...and we spend our life searching for some sort of spark to bring it all back...

I watched that kid for a long while.

You could almost feel the love that he had for his mother and his grandmother who was just a couple of seats away.

It was a tangible thing.

You could hear the wonderment in his cries, and in his laughter.

Untainted by the sadness.

The kid has a long way to go. His grandmother has seen it all. The Mom has been blessed by the heavenly air that this kid brought back into her life.

And we forget.

And search for something more.

When we've already touched it, held it, lived it and loved it.

We're looking for what we've already found...and then forgot.

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