Candy Crush & This Freaking Heat

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I don't mind the heat. I really don't. I'd rather sweat all day than freeze my ass off.

That probably sounds funny coming from a Buffalonian, but it's true.

What I hate about this stifling heat is every single person, from the toothless lady at the convenient store buying a gallon of beer at 10:30 in the morning, to the guy you pass on the street saying:

IS IT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

Yeah. It's hot. I get it. You get it.

Why the f*&K do we have to talk about it?

That toothless lady was priceless though. She stunk to high heaven and she was intent on telling me that she doesn't usually swig beer in the late morning, but that she had to:

BECAUSE SHE WAS SO FREAKING HOT!!

You know what is annoying me more than that though?

CANDY CRUSH!

It's a Facebook game that is going to have one very important footnote in my life.

It's going to chase me off of Facebook.

Every day I get ten requests from my friends asking me if I want to play.

I get messages from other people that tell me that they passed a level.

I have people here with their faces pressed to the I-Pad playing the game.

Evidently some of the levels are really hard.

Evidently someone here is playing under my name.

Because now the updates are saying:

Cliff Fazzolari has given a life to someone else who's playing this freaking game that had to be thought up by Satan himself.

I hate it.

The words Candy Crush are going to be in my suicide note.

Right next to:

Is it hot enough for you?

Bastards.

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