Savage

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Okay...so was getting into the hot tub the other day and I took off my shirt and said:

"You know how you look at Ryan Gosling with his shirt off? Well, no difference here."

My beautiful wife laughed.

"You really believe that, don't you?"

"I'd kick the living shit out of that little actor," I replied.

She laughed again.

You see, I'm not much for fighting. Let's be honest here, we all know that.

"I'm a lot bigger than him though," I said.

"You've always been bigger than your brother John too. How'd those battles work out?"

I put my shirt back on.

You see, I kind of like watching people fight.

I used to love boxing back in the day before it became so corrupt.

Ali, Frazier, Norton, Holes, Hagler, Hearns, Sugar Ray and then Tyson and Buster Douglas.

Loved a big match.

I don't watch much of the MMA stuff though.

It's much too brutal for my tastes.

In fact, this past weekend I caught a tape of Rhonda Rousey getting absolutely hammered by Holly Holm.

(A little aside...not only couldn't I beat up Ryan Gosling...those two women would put me to sleep in less time than it would take to count me out).

I don't know if you've seen the footage, but Rousey takes a kick to the jaw.

She's absolutely out before she hits the ground...

...and MMA rules, evidently, allow the other fighter to jump on your stomach and throw about 11 more punches into your concussed head.

Savage.

There were 56,000 people in the ring and millions more watching on their mobile devices.

Violence against each other is here to stay, folks.

We love it!

Football serves it up.

MMA doubles that.

Guns, bombs, drone strikes.

More violence, please.

"I'm a lover, not a fighter," I finally said. "I'm sure I'm way better than Gosling on that."

My wife is still laughing.

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