Nate

So, my feet are swollen.

The doc says that it's part of the trauma from the operation and will take quite some time to abate, but that's not the real story.

My beautiful wife wanted to check things out. She is a highly trained professional, of course.

I'll set the scene.

Melky and I were in bed for the night when the examination was to take place. Kathy came by and said:

"Let's see the foot."

I showed it to her and she reached to check the swelling.

Melky lunged at her.

I'm sure that Melky wouldn't have bit her, but you never know. Kathy jumped back and cursed out the dog.

"You can't touch me," I said. "Melky loves me way more than anyone else ever has."

And it's true, and our love is mutual.

So, it's established that I sing songs to the dog. We often discuss our upcoming day and the fact that we need to keep other animals off our street.

Yet what came under direct fire was my nickname for the dog.

We were heading off to bed the other night.

"Come on, Nate," I said.

Here's my reasoning for calling a dog named Melky 'Nate.'

I often sing Melkynator...like Terminator

Follow that?

Nator has been shortened to Nate.

Therefore, I often call Melky, Nate.

Well, the kids heard me say 'Nate.'

They went into a comedy routine about this and it had my wife bent over in near tears.

"How does a dog named after Melky Cabrera become Nate? Do you think the baseball player's family and friends call him Nate?"

"What makes a dog a Melkynator?"

And I once had referred to Melky as a handsome dog.

Melky is female.

"There aren't handsome women," my wife inaccurately argued.

I told her that handsome definitely is used as an adjective for a woman.

"But she's a dog!"

"Handsome, handsome Nate! Do you realize how sick you are?"

So, I tried it...just now...I called Melky 'Nate' with no one else around.

Melky was sleeping on her electric blanket as I did so.

"You ready to eat, Handsome Nate?" I asked.

Melky jumped up.

I know where it all came from...my mother has always had nicknames for her dogs...growing up Frankie had about 30 names...as did Ricky I and Ricky II and Ricky III....as do Jeter, Marley and Chico now.

Am I insane?

Nate doesn't think so.