A Suit of Meat

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Having, on numerous occasions, worked hard to create something that would pose as art, I have mulled every word, every sentence, every paragraph to form what I felt was a perfect chapter.

Turns out all I had to do was dress in meat.

Lady Gaga, who I've yet to hear sing even a note, and wouldn't know if she hit me over the head with a pork chop, is all the rage today because she wore a meat suit to the MTV Awards Show.

Recently, I also heard Yoko Ono standing in an Art Museum in New York City, screaming at the top of her lungs.

I'm not kidding. She was just flat-out screaming. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

She sounded like my son, Jake, when he wanted a "ba-ba" of brown milk. He stopped screaming like that (for the most part) when he was about three. Yoko is doing it and calling it art. She's famous for it.

And then my least favorite of all - Emminem. I've tried. I really have. People tell me that he is a brilliant songwriter, and a really talented individual.

Uh, I'm missing something. What he sounds like to me is an angry man who really, really had some mommy issues. I can't get how or why he is so well accepted.

Then again, maybe it's me. I don't begrudge anyone for liking what they like, but I certainly can't understand it.

Wearing a meat suit? Screaming at the top of your lungs? Swearing, growling, and threatening violence at every turn in what can barely distinguished as a singing voice?

I'm going at it all wrong, but I have a new idea.

The hell with researching new ideas for the new book. Who cares about writing the perfect opening sentence, and the exact closing paragraph? Why study other writers, or go over editing in a precise manner?

I'm just going to bring my dogs over to Lady Gaga's house.

I'd have to make the front page for that type of art.

After all who wouldn't pay to see them rip her clothes off?

She'd probably scream like Yoko.

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