Thoughts of a Common Man

I left the house at 6 AM. It was still dark outside and there was a heavy rain coming down. I didn't bother to cover my head as I walked to the car - not really concerned about ruining the hair-do. Still, I was trying to talk myself into being a little optimistic today. I had another long day ahead with a lot of miles on the old gray road. Where would the inspiration come from? I should have known that my obsessive mind would beat in tune with the windshield wipers. I'd lost the charge on my phone and the car charger wasn't working well. For the phone to take a charge at all I had to hold the phone up in front of me, high above the steering wheel. I also started to obsess about the rain and how its constant hammering of my windshield was going to cost me my plans of a day that I'd settled on about a week ago. If I'm to work, I want to be productive, being away from the family isn't worth it if I'm not doing something to further their development. Drizzle, tu...

I really hate this time of year because it seems that every other commercial, and every other news story is about some new joke running for political office. The new guy's spin goes something like this: Are you tired of the same old bullshit from your political leaders? Well, I'm a man of the people. Here look at my ugly wife and moronic kids. They love me. I love you. We all love the Bills and Sabres. We love Jesus and hate new taxes. We are going to get rid of the same old crap that has been ruining your life. Vote for me. This commercial was approved by Joe Blow and was paid for by you mentally-deficient taxpayers. Meanwhile, two minutes later, the other candidate - the old-time guy comes on: I am a great political leader. I have fought for you at every turn - here's a shot of my ugly kids and my 2.5 idiotic kids. I voted against the guy who wanted to raise your taxes and that new guy who says I didn't is a freaking liar. I'm sick of his bullshit already and that...

By now you may have heard the story about the self-made millionaire businessman who bought the Segway Company a couple of months ago, and then while trying out the new model of this scooter-type machine, drove it off a cliff at his mansion in England. And died. I'm certain that this guy, who worked hard every day, at the age of 62, probably never dreamed that this was how he was going to go. I'm also quite certain, being the smart businessman that he was that he considered the Segway to be a smart, safe, innovative product. I wonder what he was thinking as he was plunging to his death on the damn thing. It just goes back to the same old adage that has been beating at my brain for the better part of two years - you just never know. The only thing guaranteed is that life can change on a dime. One minute you're living off the interest in your bank account; the next you're catapulting over the handlebars of the G%#*damn Segway to the rocks below. Horrible story. I'm cer...

It certainly seems that I've spent a lot of time throughout the years seething about this or that. It's been a lifelong battle to gain emotional control over all kinds of silly little things, and the burning frustration is sometimes undeniably blinding. There are a few things that I absolutely know for sure. 1). There are people and situations that I need to learn to live with and no amount of resistance will allow for accomplishment. 2). I'm supposed to be practicing peaceful thinking, but every time I try it I think of the Seinfeld episode where George's father is screaming "Serenity Now!" 3). There are a lot of people out there who try and compensate for their own failings by tearing you down. They will be forever ready to pounce. Of course, people pay thousands and thousands of dollars every year to try and get on top of their own emotions. That seems a little crazy to me, so I've learned to practice a bit of mind control. Be very warned - it doesn...

Every year I play 36 holes of golf in a 24 hour period with some of my closest 'work' friends. You can imagine what we do during the break in the two rounds. We make memories. When I was growing up, my brothers, sisters and parents were always doing whatever we could to make the others laugh, and we had one hard and fast rule - look at me! Well, my golf outing this year couldn't have worked out better for the making memories and look at me theories. You see, on Friday I was in the group that teed off first, guaranteeing that we'd finish first and get to sit up on the top of the 18th green with beer in our hands and make fun of the other twenty people trying to finish their round. And I birdied 18! Making a long, ridiculous chip from off the edge. I told a few people about it. Like the poor bastards that were trying to finish the hole. Like the club attendant who I made snap my photo. Like a man-and-wife team that couldn't get away fast enough. Like a random guy in t...

Do you have an event coming up? I want to be there. Do you have a need for a ten-time published author to speak for you? At your office? School? Lions Club Meeting? Charitable dinner? I want to be there. I won't eat, either so it won't cost much. I've won awards for writing and speaking. I will make you laugh. I promise. Come January, I want to be all over speaking about, laughing with you, and selling you the story of the greatest guy I've ever known. Currently, I am working with my brilliant publisher Sterlinghouse in an effort to promote the story Oh Brother! The Life and Times of Jeff Fazzolari. Now I've written books that were unbelievably important to me and those that they benefited, but this one is more than special. This is a book that must be read, ingested and thought about for the rest of your life. You think I'm kidding? It's a story of love, grief, laughter, and undeniable dedication to living life the right way. I have had very few people in ...

I was dreading the day as I had a long road trip planned, a big meeting, and then a long trip back home. I just knew that I was going to see a lot of gray today as the road stretched out before me. Just in case I didn't have enough gray...it rained all the way. I hate to think of a day as a throw away day. The 27-Time Defending World Champion Yankees were on at night, and there was pasta at home...but what else to occupy my mind? For some reason, I kept thinking of the phrase Ashes to Ashes. "Where the hell does that come from?" I wondered. Then I remembered the next line - "We All Fall Down." London Bridge? I googled it - nope. Ring around the freaking Rosie? Bingo. I looked up the words. There are different words sung to the song in all different countries, and what the hell is a posie? Still can't chase the phrase from my mind. Then the I-Pod kicked me to Johnny Cash - "A Boy Named Sue." I recalled my Dad playing it for me and laughing. I was ab...

It was weird walking around Buffalo yesterday. Belief and faith are very often confused with downright stupidity. The Bills haven't made the playoffs in this millennium. Their first two games were against teams who have a good shot at being great this year. The new unproven coaching staff had the same tired old players. But still people wanted to believe. "11 and 5," my boy Matt said. "Shock the world." Apparently he wasn't alone because after Green Bay pounded the Bills Sunday 34-7, the mood on the streets was foul. "They need to fire all of them and start over," a guy slopping drywall said. "Imagine if I worked like they did how long I'd last." "I've seen you work," I told him. "You're third string at best." Yet he has a point and a reason to be angry. The Bills represent us, and since the mid-90's the representation hasn't been very good. "How much of our money have they put in their pockets...

One of the more disconcerting things in the world is to meet someone who has lost that faith or belief in themselves. You have to have faith in faith and you have to believe in belief. It's often times easier said than done, though, because there are ill winds all around that corrode the soul and block the channels from which love and creativity flow. I know. I've spent some time in the abyss. Yet through painful bouts of reasoning, and more than a few moments trying to get every last drop out of a bottle of chilled Grey Goose, I've kind of come to understand a few things lately: 1). You should never really settle for something less than who you want to be. It's easy to slip off the tracks and stay nestled in the weeds, instead of getting back on track. No one ever aspires to "live in a van down by the river," as Chris Farley, once so eloquently put it in a Saturday Night Live sketch, but people end up there, and they stay there, because they lose faith in the...

My dog is used to waking up early. Good old Melky is looking at me now, as I type, wondering when his busy day is going to get started. I wonder what she's thinking as I peck away at the keys because her day will most likely be a mirror image of so many others. 1). Go outside. Together with her partner Paris, Melky has developed an exciting ritual when I open the back door into the fenced in yard. I yell, 'Go get him, he's out there!' and the two of them race through the yard, barking and chasing 'him.' You'd think after a few hundred days of this they would've caught on. 2). After doing her business, Melk comes to the window and stares in. She knows what's next - food. Or a car ride. "Please, Cliff, please Cliff, please!!! Take me for a ride." If I'm in a hurry she may not go right away. She will eat her food regardless,and then beg anyone who has a driver's license to take her to the store. 3). Eating. This task takes all of three...

At least three times every day take a moment and ask yourself what is really important. Have the wisdom and the courage to build your life around the answer - Lee Jampolsky Don't you wish that the things that come out of your mouth on a daily basis were quote worthy? Who the hell is Lee Jampolsky and how did his quote get into my Droid? It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not - unknown. They don't know who said it? Can I say I did? The nearest way to glory is to strive to be what you wish to be thought to be - Socrates. They taught me about Socrates. What the hell is he trying to say? The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time - Mark Twain. Happy thought. Twain may have been drinking Grey Goose when he uttered that one. No Man is a failure who is enjoying life - William Feather. There, back on the beam, a little more uplifting, but the guy's name is really Feather? No matt...

So the other night Derek Jeter made like he was hit by a pitch and awarded first base. The ball actually hit the bat, but Jeets jumped around in pain a little to sell it to the ump. Big Deal! You'd have thought he shot the Pope. People are coming out of the woodwork to criticize this fine, upstanding citizen. Yet baseball is always about trying to sell the call. Did you ever see an outfielder hold up a ball that skips off the turf to sell it as a catch? Did you ever see the hidden ball trick? The phantom tag of second? Jumping out of the way of a curve ball that fooled you to try and buy a 'ball' call? But this was Jeter. The five-time World Series Champion. If it were Wilson Betemit from the Royals it would have never made news. These things happen every day, but Jeter is supposed to be above trying to get on base? Let me tell you, about twenty years ago I was playing softball - big game - a lot on the line - like free beer. I was on 2nd when a ball was hit towards third. ...

Growing up I watched the Yankee games on WPIX out of New York. Of course, along with my father and my brothers, we watched every night and were always entertained by the announcers Bill White and Phil Rizzuto. I remember one game when White turned to Rizzuto and said: "You have a WW on your scorecard. What does that mean?" "Wasn't Watching," Scotter replied. And Scooter was absolutely the best at telling stories as the game was going on. He talked about everything but the action on the field and his stories were alternately funny and sad. He talked about life at every turn and then hustled home to beat the traffic, no matter what the score. Last night I was watching the game and listening to Michael Kay, Al Leiter, and Ken Singleton do the game. They are all good announcers. My favorite these days is when Michael Kay is teamed with Paul O'Neill. Together they remind me of Scooter and White. In the middle innings the camera focused on two young Rays fans - bo...

So a reporter went into the Jets locker room and tried to interview a player - Mark Sanchez - shouldn't be a problem, right? The above photo is the reporter. She felt uncomfortable being in the room around the 53 naked men because they were calling out to her. They must have admired her intelligence. Now I'm not saying that I would have kept my mouth shut when she entered the space, but I do remember a story from back in the day when women were first let into the men's locker rooms. One of my favorite Yankees of all-time (I won't mention his name) supposedly was in full uniform when the woman came in to interview him. During the course of the interview he proceeded to get naked just to see how she would respond. I work around construction guys all week. The highlight of their day is seeing the coffee girl. "How's the coffee girl?" is the most oft-repeated phrase in the early morning hours. They aren't asking to see how she pours the coffee. It kills me...

Having, on numerous occasions, worked hard to create something that would pose as art, I have mulled every word, every sentence, every paragraph to form what I felt was a perfect chapter. Turns out all I had to do was dress in meat. Lady Gaga, who I've yet to hear sing even a note, and wouldn't know if she hit me over the head with a pork chop, is all the rage today because she wore a meat suit to the MTV Awards Show. Recently, I also heard Yoko Ono standing in an Art Museum in New York City, screaming at the top of her lungs. I'm not kidding. She was just flat-out screaming. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! She sounded like my son, Jake, when he wanted a "ba-ba" of brown milk. He stopped screaming like that (for the most part) when he was about three. Yoko...

This morning, in a last minute sort of deal I joined 4 guys that I've known since we were about five years old for breakfast. Of course, we greeted one another with smiles and a couple of wise cracks, and then we settled in. At the Cracker Barrel. Now these are guys I've seen at Stones concerts, on the softball field, back at the campsite, with beers in their hands, with tears in their eyes, at the birth of their children, at their weddings...everywhere. We know everything about one another, and we all carefully fit into our places in the circle of the friendship. "Do they have egg beaters?" Russ asked. "I've been trying to lose weight," I said. "A fiber bar for breakfast, turkey sandwich for lunch...no between meal stuff." We went straight from a discussion of diet to a talk about our various aches and pains. Bad shoulder, bum knee, sore hands from painting. Then onto the kids. Who is saving what for college. What sort of music the kids are li...

Yesterday my boys Jake and Matt decided that it was time to give me a bit of my own medicine. Every time they saw me throughout the course of the day they reminded me that the 27-time defending World Champion Yankees had lost the night before, and that Tampa had won, and that the 27-time defending World Champion Yankees have a high payroll. "Best record in baseball," I kept chanting. Yet there is a deeper seed of controversy at work here. In a ritual that drives my wife crazy I work hard at getting the boys into loud debates that are designed to make them think a situation through, but largely turn into loud, friendly , screaming match. "They're doing it to you," Kathy said. And that's okay. I can deal with it. Even when the 27-time defending World Champion Yankees lose and are eliminated from contention I can always just say "27" and end the discussion. Yet reading the morning paper affords me the chance to see that arguing through an issue is not...

"And since in our passage through this world painful circumstances occur more frequently than pleasing ones, and since our sense of evil is, I fear more acute than our sense of good, we become the victim of our feelings, unless we can in some degree command them." - Ann Radcliffe - 1764. Nine years ago today I remember marveling how clear the skies were. Crystal-clear blue. The skies around Buffalo, NY are similar this morning. After a week of pure grey, they are blue. And it's impossible to see the calendar change to September 11 and not forget. The crystal-blue skies notwithstanding there's a fog of the heart. Today will be a day of tribute to those lost and memorial wreaths and fancy speeches of unity will mark the tragedy, and they should. To not remember those in our heart who've passed along is the greatest of all sins I suppose, but the quote written above sort of blows my mind when I consider 9/11 in the backdrop of the perfectly clear skies today. Since o...

First off, that pastor from Florida strikes me as a real moron. Secondly, why does the media make this guy's rant into a story? This whole ordeal could have died on the vine if they didn't give him the forum to spew his crap. Thirdly, there might be people out there who believe that burning the Quran is a neat idea. After all, we were attacked, right? Bleep 'em...we can burn what we want, right? How do you feel when the American Flag is burned? How would it make you feel if some moron made a spectacle out of burning the Bible? Censorship is wrong. Imposing your own ideas by shoving them down their throats is also wrong. In the immortal words of Rodney King - Can't we all just get along? Of course, I can answer that question in one word. NO! We can't get along. We will never be able to get along when people don't take the time to assess the situation and put a slant on it that was written about in the Bible and the Quran. Why is there so much selfishness and stup...

A couple of weeks ago I stumbled into the local bookstore and asked the clerk at the front if she could point me in the direction of the Self-Help aisle. She grinned and said, "If I did that it would sort of defeat the purpose, wouldn't it?" Okay, so that's not true. Yet it is just over a month ago that I lost my father. On the day after his funeral, spurned by a remembrance that I hadn't handled grief very well, and buoyed by something a close friend said - "Use the gifts God gave to you" - I decided that I would handle loss differently this time around. I began to read and write and eat better. I waited for the fog to lift all around. While it is still mostly cloudy with a 70% chance of rain, I've punched a few holes in the darkness. In the month since Dad passed I've read about four books. I've gathered my thoughts in the trusty black notebook - this book may need a second notebook - and I've tried to take to heart some of the passages...

Okay, predicition time: Baseball first. I see the American League winners as follows - Yankees, Twins, Rangers as title winners and Rays as the Wild Card. The playoffs will go something like this: Twins over Rays and Yankees over Rangers in Round one. Round two will have the Yankees beating the Twinkies. In the National League I see the winners as Phillies, Reds, and Giants with the Braves taking the Wild Card. The Reds will beat the Braves and the Phils will beat the Giants. In Round two I like the Phils over the Reds. In the World Series: You read it here first - same as last year - Yankees over Phillies. Girardi changes his number to 29 for next year. In Football I like the division winners as Jets, Ravens, Colts, Chargers in the AFC with wild cards going to Pats, and Steelers. In the NFC I envision the division winners as Green Bay, Dallas, New Orleans, Atlanta with the Giants and Vikings as Wild Card Teams. I see the two teams left standing as Green Bay versus the Ravens for the ...

Every year I pass the field of American flags that marks the lives lost on September 11, 2001 and I feel a little sick in the remembrance of that day. Today I snapped a photo of the flags as my heart sunk to its usual, thinking of 9/11 depths, and it occurred to me that my life has changed so much since that lousy morning. There was just so much I didn't know about anything, and yet I walked around pretty cocksure that I understood how life was going to play out. Reading a lot these days as I research materials for the story I want to finish called Everything I Know . The real challenge of writing such a title is that I don't really know a hell of a lot when it all comes down to it. What have you learned about foreign relations since that day 9 years ago? Going in, I had little idea of who Bin Laden was or even what a Taliban was. I was a voting American and I was in the blind for all that time. What do you know about world relations now? Korea? Iran? Afghanistan? Iraq? Can the...

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground... 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6)...

Chased around the golf ball this morning. The two Grape Ape's I golf with hit it pretty well, but the fourth guy just flat out quit on the 11th hole and then went along for the ride. My poor brother-in-law, Chuck, just didn't want to bash a club over his cart. Simply picked up his ball and stopped. The mature way to handle a bad round. Yet I didn't have a bad round - a couple of birdies, a couple of pars, too many three putts. What sucked though is that I did it all in a jacket - a 27-time Defending World Champion Yankee jacket that aggravated my cart partner - but there were actually two or three times when I had to blow into my hand for warmth. It's the first week of September for crying out loud! The summer was another rough one for us, is it too much to ask for an extension of the good weather? Because once the weather turns...it's a real long stretch here in good old Buffalo. We're talking crap from the first week of September until, what, the 3rd week in M...

Tomorrow is a monumental day as Matt enters the wonderful working world. Yes, he had a pretty good run, having had to work only one day under the employment of others. To be fair, he's a good kid who works hard enough around the house, doing what he is told, and doing a good job - he just never truly enjoyed it. In fact, his only other job, a six-hour shift at a pirogi factory led to this great line: "I ain't going back, they expect me to stay all day." So, he avoided the call of work for quite awhile - tomorrow it will all change. Matt was able to nail the interview and get a job at McDonald's. He will be flipping meat and doling out fries, and God help me, I hope and pray that he has to wear a hat because I fully intend to break my no fast-food rule by stepping in to watch him glide across the floor, filling orders, smiling at customers, and muttering under his breath. He will be expected to stay through the end of his shift. This of course was a point of conten...

Today was supposed to be my parents 50th wedding anniversary. Three weeks short. On the night when Dad died, Mom turned to me and said, "We didn't make it." How's that for heartbreaking? Yet, of course they made it. They set up a love that will span way more than 50 years, way more than 100. As I told her, it was a love that will last about 500 years. And that is a remarkable story in this day and age. In a time when marriages are treated as somewhat disposable, they endured. And for sure, there were moments when it was all about endurance. As a child I would remember arguments and fights that could rattle the walls from time-to-time. Two very intense people battling under the immense pressure of having to put up with six little Fuzzy creations. Still, they hung in there. And taught us what needed to be learned. It wasn't always teaching in the most conventional of ways, but learn we did. Over the last severeal years we took to comparing Mom and Dad to the parents...

It seems as though we are subjected to a terrorist attack every day in this country. Gun-toting, knife-wielding citizens bust into a restaurant, a former place of employment, a television station, even a school and wipe out innocent people. Perhaps if we treated them all as separate terrorist attacks we'd be able to get on top of the problem. Yesterday, James Jay Lee, upset with the programming of the Discovery Channel, stormed the building and took a few hostages. The cops ended up taking the man down before anyone else was killed, but the event begs a few questions. First off, why do they always get their middle names listed? Does it make them sound more cowboy-like? If I ever commit such an act will Clifford James make me sound more sinister? I just don't have the name for it. Secondly, if he didn't like the programming on Discovery why didn't he change the channel? I hate the programming on almost all the networks - except for the Yankee Entertainment Station - use ...

As Paul Harvey used to say, it's time for news. 1). So the Iraq war is over. The combat missions have drawn to a close. Should be good news, right? Mission Accomplished, as they say, six years after the mission was accomplished. But there will be 50,000 troops still deployed there. It's a shame, but so much of America closed the chapter on thinking about Iraq way before Obama made this announcement. So many lost. Hopefully it's about enduring freedom for years to come. High salute to the troops either way. 2). Speaking of troops it seems like we are going to need some here to fight the cigarette war on the Buffalo home front. You see, the state government wants tax money from those who head to the rez for a break off the $9 a pack tax that the state gets from a stop at 7/11. Why doesn't Patterson and company just go door-to-door across the state and demand that every person give them all the money they have. Period. It can go like this: Patterson: Hi, taxpayer, how are ...