The Last Carnival

I try not to mark the date on March 4th.

I lost my brother on that date in 2009. A whole lot of people lost a man who we all recall as a ‘walking celebration.’

I said, I try not to mark the date, but as I got in the car this morning I thought about it.

I was wondering what Bruce song my phone would flip me first to mark the day.

I was going to lose my mind if it was ‘American Land’ which was his favorite.

It wasn’t.

It was WAY worse.

‘The Last Carnival’ was the last song on the record that Bruce released on the day Jeff got sick.

The last time I listened to it was in March of 2009 because it is a song that I simply couldn’t handle.

Bruce wrote the song for his band mate, Danny Federici who died the year the record came out.

The lyrics were way too much, and the last time I heard the song was the day of the funeral.

“I won’t ever listen to that song again,” I thought back when I heard it in ‘09.

I finally listened to it this morning.

Sixteen years later, and I have to admit, it still hit me so hard.

Bruce used the circus as a metaphor.

His biting lyrics spoke of the circus packing up and leaving town.

In his book and in his interviews he often spoke of needing to protect Danny, and of always being surprised by what might happen when they were together.

He spoke of Danny’s life as a celebration.

(See why I couldn’t listen to it????)

I smiled through the end of the song.

Then I played it again.

Felt a little like a gift that was handed back to me…

…just to mark the day.