Can I Get Some Cervix?
Is it me or has the customer service in this country really sort of shit the bed?
I went to the bank yesterday. It's a new bank, mind you, because my old bank closed down and true to their nature they did not offer me a choice of banks in the change. I was simply sent to a new bank with a new card and a new set of instructions on how to do banking.
I'm not good with change, but I decided to put on my big boy pants. I'd act like a responsible customer.
So with Melky and Paris in tow we pulled up to the ATM and the option for depositing a check was there. I punched in the new number and was asked to deposit the check. I did.
"Would you like more time?" the screen asked.
"I deposited it!" I yelled at the screen.
No answer other than:
"Please place check in envelope provided and deposit in slot below."
Envelope? Provided? I didn't need an envelope at my old bank.
I glanced behind me. There were envelopes...provided...too late.
I canceled the transaction. The computer spit my card back at me. The check stayed lost.
I parked the car and went to the front of the bank. There was a sign on the door that said the bank was closed in order to switch accounts from the old bank to the new bank. I saw movement so I tried the door anyway. Locked.
"We're closed!" someone yelled.
Big boy pants?
I headed back to the car screaming the words that end in 'K' that scare my poor dogs.
Relax...serenity now...breathe deep.
I got home and found the 800 number.
The recorded voice offered 9 choices...none of them that said:
"Did you lose a check in the ATM, you moron?"
I finally got a human. Her name was Kenyishaquille. She definitely had a better language than English. With a song in my voice I told her my story.
"Just go into the bank," she said.
"It's closed," I said.
"Impossible," she answered. "Where is it located?"
I gave her the street.
"Spell that, please."
"M-C-K-I-N-L-E-Y."
"We don't have a bank on that street."
"Yes you do! I was just at it."
"It's not closed."
"I might be missing a signal," I said. "The door didn't open and there's a sign on it that says 'We're Closed.'"
"I'll call you back," Kenyishaquille said.
I seethed. More hard 'K's.' The dogs left me.
"Okay," she said when she called me back ten minutes later. "They aren't answering the phone, but they are definitely open today."
Where was I losing this clueless bitch?
"What do you suggest I do?" I asked.
She acted like I was completely incompetent.
"Go back down to the bank and go inside and explain your problem."
"Do you have a layout of the interior of the bank?" I asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I'm going to have to go in through the heating ducts because the f&*K*^G BANK IS CLOSED!"
"I can't help you, sir," Kenyishaquille said.
My beautiful wife got caught in the cross hairs.
"Problem?" she asked.
"Why can't I get reasonable cervix?" I asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
I went to the bank yesterday. It's a new bank, mind you, because my old bank closed down and true to their nature they did not offer me a choice of banks in the change. I was simply sent to a new bank with a new card and a new set of instructions on how to do banking.
I'm not good with change, but I decided to put on my big boy pants. I'd act like a responsible customer.
So with Melky and Paris in tow we pulled up to the ATM and the option for depositing a check was there. I punched in the new number and was asked to deposit the check. I did.
"Would you like more time?" the screen asked.
"I deposited it!" I yelled at the screen.
No answer other than:
"Please place check in envelope provided and deposit in slot below."
Envelope? Provided? I didn't need an envelope at my old bank.
I glanced behind me. There were envelopes...provided...too late.
I canceled the transaction. The computer spit my card back at me. The check stayed lost.
I parked the car and went to the front of the bank. There was a sign on the door that said the bank was closed in order to switch accounts from the old bank to the new bank. I saw movement so I tried the door anyway. Locked.
"We're closed!" someone yelled.
Big boy pants?
I headed back to the car screaming the words that end in 'K' that scare my poor dogs.
Relax...serenity now...breathe deep.
I got home and found the 800 number.
The recorded voice offered 9 choices...none of them that said:
"Did you lose a check in the ATM, you moron?"
I finally got a human. Her name was Kenyishaquille. She definitely had a better language than English. With a song in my voice I told her my story.
"Just go into the bank," she said.
"It's closed," I said.
"Impossible," she answered. "Where is it located?"
I gave her the street.
"Spell that, please."
"M-C-K-I-N-L-E-Y."
"We don't have a bank on that street."
"Yes you do! I was just at it."
"It's not closed."
"I might be missing a signal," I said. "The door didn't open and there's a sign on it that says 'We're Closed.'"
"I'll call you back," Kenyishaquille said.
I seethed. More hard 'K's.' The dogs left me.
"Okay," she said when she called me back ten minutes later. "They aren't answering the phone, but they are definitely open today."
Where was I losing this clueless bitch?
"What do you suggest I do?" I asked.
She acted like I was completely incompetent.
"Go back down to the bank and go inside and explain your problem."
"Do you have a layout of the interior of the bank?" I asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I'm going to have to go in through the heating ducts because the f&*K*^G BANK IS CLOSED!"
"I can't help you, sir," Kenyishaquille said.
My beautiful wife got caught in the cross hairs.
"Problem?" she asked.
"Why can't I get reasonable cervix?" I asked.
"I beg your pardon?"
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