How You’re Perceived

We watched the Ben Stiller documentary about his parents Stiller and Meara.

It’s a great view.

They were together in marriage for 62 years, and they worked together for a long time, and got pretty famous in their day.

They were two distinct personalities, and he was a perfectionist while she would simply perform the act.

They also documented all their lives with a tape recorder and a camera.

One clip of a real discussion hit me as they spoke about his need to get the act perfect.

“You only cared about how you were perceived,” Anne says. “Then when it’s over, you didn’t enjoy it. It’s joyless.”

I’ve thought about that a lot throughout my life.

Why do we put so much stock in what other people think about our work, how we live our lives, or just exist?

And my breath kind of caught when she tells him:

“It’s joyless!”

I suppose that my breath caught because I have been guilty of living my life and doing my work…

…worried about how I’m perceived.

Whether it’s within the pages of a book, or on a job site.

Sometimes it is joyless.

It’s more of a relief when it’s over.

The reason that I’ve considered it more lately is because as I’ve grown older, I care less.

How I’m perceived doesn’t matter, and probably never did, but I’m watching my boys worry about such things.

I don’t want my sons to feel such pressure, but of course, they need to live through it.

The constant need for approval can be exhausting.

Even joyless.

Anyway, Stiller and Meara.

It’s a great watch.