Thoughts of a Common Man

I really don't strive for perfect attendance at work. It just sort of happens that way. I'll begin the year thinking that I will take the vacation time granted me, but then I'll glance at the calendar in September and think: "Damn! I missed it." This year is a little different as I have an operation coming up. (What's a year without a surgery?) So, I sort of went at it hard, knowing that days at the end of the year would be needed. Yet those aren't days off, you know? So during the past weekend I tried to talk myself into just extending the weekend by a day. I wouldn't miss work. The phone would be on and I could hang by the computer, but I didn't need to rush out to visit locations, did I? I discussed the matter with the boys. "You'll go," Sam said. "There's something wrong with you." And sure enough I was up and out of bed by five. "What would I do if I stayed home?" I asked Melky. ...

We watched a movie on Saturday night. I couldn't tell you the name of it. The guy who used to be on Talk Soup was in it. He was a best-selling author who had two kids who were also authors. The first kid was a 19-year-old girl who wrote two books while humping every guy she met, and while fighting with her brother and mother and father penned these books in a moments time. We see her having champagne toasts while she is lauded by guys in tweed jackets as a true talent. She talks about the next one she's going to write. Presumably on the car ride home. Then, not to be out-done her 16-year-old brother sits down and in one scene he types really fast. Then his phone rings and Stephen King is on the line telling him he's great. Umm, ok. Here's the real world. You commit to writing something that means something to you. You toil at it for a full year, and it encompasses all your waking moments. It's right there in the back of your mind while you're doi...

So during the Breaking Bad phase of our lives there came a time when we had a family discussion about the tighty-whities that Walter wore. Let me set the scene: I was in my spot, heating pad, blankie and Melky right beside me. Jake was next on the couch, watching the show in season 5 again even though he had already finished the series. "This is the one where Jessie dies," he'd say as we started each new episode. (I swear I don't know where these children have learned to be so sarcastic). My beautiful wife was across the way, and she snickered when Walter came running out in his underpants. "He looks ridiculous in those," Jake said. "Hey!" I yelled. I too wear that style. "Don't you think he looks ridiculous?" Kathy asked. I was in a tough spot here. "If I say he looks ridiculous than I must look ridiculous," I said. "Oh, you look a hundred times worse," Jake answered. So there we have it...

Ran into an old friend the other day. We'd worked together back when they were re-doing the Ralph Wilson Stadium one summer back about 16 years ago. The site had been a real rough one as there were 700 workers out there and the fun of being at the stadium every day was sort of neat. I remember walking around the field thinking about those Super Bowl runs. Of course, that job is what soured me on football too. Seeing how the players were treated like royalty sort of pulled back the curtain on it for me. I saw the little guy who ran the Mighty Oz show. It all suddenly seemed fake and the players looking down their noses at guys who work a lot harder than them changed everything. Yet the story behind the trip down memory lane was in the talking about past people we knew in common. I asked about one guy who was a colossal pain in the ass back then. I had really sort of despised the guy because he was downright miserable most of the time. "He dropped dead," my buddy said...

Okay, so I have a single, closing eye on the World Series. No matter what they do to the sport I have to watch. I enjoy it that much. McDumbass and Joe Buckhead can't even ruin it. I mute 'em. I've been doing that since 2000. Yet what is really grating on me this year is the love affair with Big Papi. Quick. What do you know about him? Nothing. Every single article I read about him exalts his greatness. He's the face of Boston Strong. He's the captain of the home run derby. He's always smiling. Seems like a great guy. You know why he's smiling? BECAUSE HE GOT AWAY WITH IT! Think about it. He's the only one that got clean away from the steroid stink. A-Rod is seen as a downright criminal. Ortiz failed the exact same drug test the first time. A-Rod held a press conference. Ortiz scratched his head and said he'd 'get back to us on how that happened.' Then what happened? A-Rod spent ten years getting investig...

The rusty wire that holds the gate that keeps the anger in, gives way, and suddenly, it's day again, - Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. First of all, Waters is a genius. Secondly, I've been singing that phrase over and over in my head because I'm reading a book about a father, who's son, stands accused of murder. The Dad doesn't see the violence in his kid, of course, but worries about the fact that violence was handed down. Years ago I read about Jeffrey Dahmer and his father said that he knew something like that might happen because he always believed there was violence in the family. Old man Dahmer said he had a dream that he was a murderer so he wasn't surprised that his son eventually got it done. Weird. Could that be true? I know that my beautiful wife is leery of it in the Fazzolari blood. Not that I'm violent, by any means, but once in awhile the rusty wire that holds the gate does give way. My entire anger explosion lasts for about ten m...

Some things I'd Love to Do Someday: 1). Make vanilla pudding and put it in a mayo jar and eat spoonfuls of it in public. 2). Hire two privater investigators and get them to follow each other. 3). Wear a shirt that says "Life" and then hand out lemons on the street corner. 4). Get into a crowded elevator and say, "I bet you're all wondering why I asked you to meet me here." 5). Stand at a fast-food line and ask people "Why they want fries with their order." And then tell 'em how bad they are for them. 6). Run into a crowded store and ask: "WHAT YEAR IS IT!" When they answer I'll run out screaming: "IT WORKED!" 7). Become a Doctor and then change my last name to ACULA. 8). Change my name to Simon and then always speak in the 3rd person. 9). Buy a parrot and then teach the parrot to say: "These bastards turned me into a bird." 10). Follow joggers around in my car and blast "Eye of ...