Thoughts of a Common Man

And now they’re kicking around the idea that the assassination attempt in Butler, PA., was staged. Here’s the thing: The first time I saw the footage, I said: “Yeah. That’s bullshit.” There has never been investigation because the guy who was supposedly shot in the ear didn’t want it to continue. Here’s what made it abundantly clear that it was about as real as an episode of smack down. 1). Everyone at the rally and the secret service watched a kid, carrying a rifle, scale the building closest to the stage, and they didn’t try and stop him. 2). He stood up, and secret service agents ducked down, and they raised the flag behind him so he could yell, ‘Fight, fight fight.” That’s not what secret service agents do. 3). There was absolutely no injury to his ear. At all. Check the photos in the seconds after the attempt. 4). The shooter was killed. Quick, what was his name? What do we know about him? Why isn’t captain narcissistic mentioning his name? 5). They stopped the investigation immed...

The Sabres are playing their first playoff game- in 15 years! - on Sunday night. This town is going to go crazy… …the arena will be packed and fans will line the streets all around the building.  Of course it’ll only be about 35 degrees…but who cares, right? And for the first time in a while, I’m invested. My son Jake is a fanatic and he texted me every time a Sabre scored this year, so I started paying attention. What makes me laugh is that I saw that one of their players - Zach Benson - is just 20 years old. By the time he arrived on this earth I was already way over the freaking hill. Hell, I have kids who are more than a decade older than him. The hockey playoffs are an absolute grind. This first round series won’t even be over until May. The cup isn’t awarded until nearly July… …it may not be under 50 degrees by then. Let’s hope it’s a good, long run. We need it because this weather has absolutely sucked. So. Oh, ah, Sabres on the warpath!

Reporter: “The gas prices are high. What do you say to Americans about when prices will go down?” Jesus Epstein Trump: “The gas prices came down very powerfully in the last 3 days, and the stock market is up, and Iran doesn’t have a nuclear weapon so things are going great.” Just absurd. Has anyone pulled up to the stock market/convenience store to fill up? Then, we hit on religion. Reporter: (paraphrased) “Are you done fighting with the pope?” Orange Hitler: “Well, I’m all about the gospel, probably better at the gospel than maybe anyone.” He’s the president of the United States. He can press a button to destroy the planet. And he’s completely out of his freaking mind. Are there people actually listening to this nonsense? Where are the adults????? Reporter: “What are your feelings about Melanoma talking about the Epstein files?” Swollen Ankles Pedophile: “Well, the victims didn’t want to go under oath, I’m told, so Melanoma wants them to do that, because the stuff about me was totally...

The alert sounded on my phone for the third time this afternoon: “Heavy thunderstorms.” I got that alert after a spam blast of six straight calls from people who evidently want to give me hundreds of thousands of dollars in loans. I also get about 10 spam emails a day as well. Yet, the phone can also spook me from time to time. Sam left the house wearing the one pair of shoes that I own that aren’t my work boots. I was holding the phone in my hand as I had a conversation about how I guess I needed to buy new shoes. I was immediately blessed with ads for shoes! I’m not kidding. It was picking up my private discussions. Sometimes it works out though because I looked up information about the new Stones record - yeah, in their mid-80’s they’re releasing an album of new material - and after looking around… …I got a bunch of Stones interviews. There is no doubt that my phone is aware that I’m a pasta-eating, fan of rock and roll who likes golf and the New York Yankees. And they try and sell ...

My son was all fired up about having a day off. “We’re golfing at Diamond Hawk at 3:45. We have a spot open.” “I’d love to play,” I said. “I can probably be ready by then.” “You’re in!” Sam yelled. “But there aren’t any carts, you know.” Yet I went around the sites as the skies threatened rain. I thought about walking 18 holes, and knew the course would be wet. Decided to back out. I was working on reports when Sam texted: “You’re backing out? There’s no rain. They have push carts.” How could I disappoint him? “No, I’ll be ready,” I said. I only played Diamond Hawk once, and it kicked my ass. The big problem was the walking. I haven’t walked a course since I was 18 years old! Around hole 7 I thought: “This isn’t so bad.” By hole 13, I changed that opinion. My back was barking. But we had some laughs, and the course to ourselves. I was sweating. Had hit some good shots. Definitely parred a few holes, but I abandoned keeping score as the conditions weren’t great… …and by 15, I wanted to ...

I don’t want to even think about the giant, orange pedophile, but here I am. Woke this morning and was immediately greeted by a photo of him, as Jesus, with his hand on the forehead of a dying man who looked like Epstein. There are all sorts of religious lights and figures around him. He looks as if he’s shooting flames out of his hands. It’s similar to the photo that he put out with him dressed as the pope. There was another showing him walking on water. What’s funny is that in the fake photos he’s as fit as Rocky Balboa. Well, this time, he pissed off all the people who believed that he was a true Christian, who lives a life of piety and respect and dignity.  A real beacon of love. This time, they didn’t like that he pictured himself as white Jesus. So, they asked him about it, and he blamed: All together now! THE FAKE MEDIA “I posted it because I thought I was a doctor.” The president of the United States ladies and gentlemen. Let’s recap what fake Jesus did this past week: 1). ...